outside the circle

Ephesians 6:1-3 (& I'll include v.4) - ring any bells? How about if I tell you it's a passage that you want your child to know? (But also speaks to us as parents!)

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord."

I participated in Ted Tripp's Shepherding a Child's Heart study over the past few months and have taken a lot from it. I put into practice something that I learned, specifically, this week. After a particularly hard couple of days filled with lots of wonderful (hear my sarcasm?) disobedience I sat down with Lynn. First, I had her grab her Bible and we looked up Eph. 6. I read it out loud with her, then drew the following, explaining as I went along. It captured her attention, as she had no clue what I was doing.


I'll do my best to write out what it all means. I started by drawing Lynn on the right - happy with a smile. She's smiling b/c she's within the circle of obedience. She's honoring her mom and dad, obeying her teacher at school, etc. And, as we had just read, the Bible promises that if we do this, we'll have long life and our lives will go well. I wrote this all out, explaining in a cheerful voice how the Lord protects us and honors His promise when we obey His commands.
When a child disobeys, he/she is out of the circle and is in "danger." He/she is outside the commands of God and is not listening. That child is making bad choices and it is not safe. One bad decision can lead to many more. Then, I basically said, "because God commands mommy and daddy to teach you and watch over you, I have to discipline you to let you know when you are out of the circle, for your safety." Hence, the arrow with "discipline" written on it. (For our family that includes spanking.) Then, after the discipline comes restoration (it's important that she knows I "still" love her, even with the spanking, and so I will pull her into a hug and sometimes pray with her afterward. I don't ever want her to think that just because she disobeys that I love her any less). Daily, while her dad and I teach her more about God, more about right/wrong choices, give her lots of love, have fun with her, and keep in prayer for her, she can come to know where the boundaries of the circle lie.

You may be saying, Whoa. That's crazy or that's overkill in disciplining... but, I want to touch her heart so that she can grow up to 1. love the Lord, 2. honor Him with her life. I want her to see how deeply He cares for her and as a byproduct of that love, gives guidelines for her safety. I don't want my discipline only to correct a behavior. A well behaved kid grows up to be a polite, but still lost & confused, adult. When you reach into the heart to correct the reason behind the behavior, it's then that you affect who they are as an individual. At five, she very much understood this diagram and we will refer back to it.
Maybe this gives you something to think about as well as you instruct and discipline your children. If you'd like to read more, I'd encourage you to look into Shepherding a Child's Heart. It'll make you rethink your discipline strategies. It did for me.

reading

Phonics. Memorization. Sounding out words. Sight reading.
Ah. The joys of learning to read. My Lynn is in kindergarten which means precisely what I've stated above. Our afternoons consist of a reading book for homework and coming up with creative ways to help emphasize the skills of reading (including just simpy reading to her). Last night, I sat down and cut out small cards to write out her sight words, in duplicate, to create a go-fish style game. We just played it this afternoon and it worked quite well, mostly... I have the utmost of respect for you homeschoolers out there. My hat goes off to you, my friends. I consider myself a very patient person but do not think I have what it takes (or I guess to be more selfishly honest, I am not willing to work at having what it takes) to homeschool. I am amazed at what kids can absorb in such a short amount of time, however. The leaps and bounds she has made this year alone have me so excited to watch what other skills she acquires before the end of the school year. I see what a balance there must be between the two approaches to learning to read, however. Some of our words in english (ok, a lot of our words) just can not be sounded out easily. This makes memorization the way to go for these words. Hence, our sight card game :) But, there's merit to learning letter sounds so that you can at least take a stab at reading a word. It makes me smile so big to hear her sound out the individual sounds of the letters and know enough to put them together to "wa-la" get the word. It's great! I love to read, myself, and enjoy our time together now when we're curled up on the couch sharing a book together, but I also look forward to the day of reading individually and getting lost in our own stories.

Wordless Wed - flower details

More pics of my anniversary flowers...


















The beauty of each intricate detail never ceases to direct my amazement to what a magnificent, creative God we have.

whining = tenacity?

Whine, whine, whine. I think that has got to be one of the most frustrating things about having a five year old right now (or maybe I could venture out to say any age child in general?). Being a general "pleaser" or "peacemaker" in personality, I tend to give in to whining more than I should. However, I have been working on letting my yes's be yes and my no's be no, despite the whining that inevitably comes in return from my child. Whining, I believe, is linked to stubbornness. I am guilty of viewing my daughter's stubbornness as a negative, but honestly, maybe I truly should be pleased to see that she's willing to take a stand on things. I'd like to think that on the positive side, stubbornness could also be called tenacity. Merriam-Webster defines tenacious as "persistent in maintaining, adhering to, or seeking something valued or desired." Oxford American Dictionary goes on to add that it could be holding on to a position or a principle. I pray that God develops that tenacity within my daughter to come to a point where she has a saving relationship with Him and will use that stubbornness to "cling to what is good" (Romans 12:9).

When's the last time you were tenacious or stubborn? Was it for something selfishly desired or for something of the Spirit? It's so easy to get beaten down in today's world with the culture being what it is. It's hard to cling to the Lord at times. There's peer pressure (even for us as adults) - when it comes to raising kids, working with co-workers, personal ethics, or just living life in general. Take comfort in the promise the Word gives: "My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me" (Psalm 63:8) When this psalm was written, David was literally in the dessert. Physically he was needing food and water. Physically he needed holding up. He knew that his sustenance would come from the Lord. Literally or figuratively, this passage shows us the hope found in Him. Will we hold on to that promise and take a stand for Him? If we trust Him, cling to Him - take a stand for what is right - be tenacious in our lives - He will hold us up! So don't back down. Go ahead - show your stubborn side.

would you, could you, please?

Hey there, my faithful few readers ;)
If you wouldn't mind, for those that already subscribe to my blog... if you would, come back to my actual blog and click the "subscribe" RSS feed button (that orange one, on the right side, under my "about me"). I've just hooked up with feedburner to help me keep track of some stats.
For those of you that don't, feel free to join via RSS/reader or subscribe by email, whichever you prefer.
Thank you for joining me in this journey of Standing Firm in Quicksand!

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choose life, your mom did

mindless mumurings

Ate an easy meal tonight - hotdogs. Did have something fun for dessert, though. Smores. My grandma gave Lynn a smore maker for Christmas. It's pretty nifty.
Wondering why my husband puts mayo on his hotdog. And why my daughter finds it pleasant to dip her cheez-its in ketchup.
Happy to hear about how "Take your Pastor to Lunch" day went at school - my daughter was so excited about him being there and told me all about it today when I picked her up. The report from our pastor was similarly positive.
So thankful that my refrigerator is back up and running. Thankful also to my hubby who tried his best to troubleshoot and solve the problem yesterday.
So blessed to have the youth house with a refrigerator for emergencies! Also blessed to have a repairman here an hour after I called today.
Pleasantly surprised at the new tv show my daughter watched this evening - they sang about "silent e" and read words.
Wasting time on my Project Playlist, but finding it very neat to hear a bunch of new songs.
Shaking my head at my daughter who has suddenly "developed" a cough before bed, insisting she needs medicine.
Need to finish some more work, but I'm much too spent. I think I just might curl up in bed with a book tonight. I'm reading the Twilight series to see what it's all about, since the "obsession" has reached into our youth group.
Enjoying the quiet. Hubby's at a youth event and daughter's in bed in the bathroom then on to bed.
Too tired - closing this one up for the night.

another step

I almost hesitate to type out this post, but because I am trying to continue to be transparent with y'all, I will continue. But, no judgments, please. I am not quite sure why I'm in this position, but I am.
I've felt compelled to pull down my pictures of Nathan.
I had one in a "family" collage frame. I moved the frame, which is probably what prompted the thought. I wanted to refresh the entire photo collection. The other was on my bedroom mirror. I can't explain it. I think I've turned the page. Does that sound heartless? God has allowed me to record Nathan in my heart and he will forever be a part of me, a part of my (family's) history, but he's not a part of my future. Man, I am so unable to explain in words. Part of me feels so completely horrible to be ready to do this. The other, okay with it all. I know that others in my position may never come to this point. Others may want their (deceased) infant to remain a part of a visual display. And that is so totally, completely okay. Just as I ask you not to judge me, I could never, ever judge another's feelings in this area. I think that if Nathan had been born alive, I might feel differently. If I had pictures of him while he was alive, I might want to remember him differently. I'm not sure. All I know is that while he's not out of my heart, I just don't feel the desire to have his photographs displayed right now. (The one exception is a photo of his baby feet, which is in my hall bath right now, as a part of a collection of black and white beach photos. That one's staying right now).
I'm anxiously looking ahead to my future. I want to focus on life right now. Each day of it.

Wordless Wed - bouquet

A bouquet from my hubby for our anniversary last week.
(I "antiqued" the photos).

snow day, aka day 5 off from school

Got some snow today. I even hesitate to write snow as it was such a pitiful amount! It was, of course, enough to cancel school (we southerners don't even know how to handle a dusting!) Lynn has been out for an extremely long weekend now: inservice friday + holiday monday + snowday tuesday = too many days home, we are going stir crazy! (or maybe it's just mommy going crazy!)
But, Lynn enjoyed going outside today in the "snow" and had fun running around while it flurried (and so did her daddy!) I stayed inside and worked. Someone's got to bring in some money, even on snow days! ;)

the self control "c"s

Ever get a thought or worry in your head and just can't let go? Ever since the appointment with the maternal/fetal specialist, I've been thinking about babies - Nathan, the next one, getting pregnant, wondering how long it might take, etc etc. Trying to plan, trying to take this upon myself, ah! I need to let go :) Sometimes it's just plain frustrating because I know I need to chill but it's almost like this broken record that's stuck on play in my head and I can't turn it off. I have been finishing up David Jeremiah's Captured by Grace and found this regarding self control. Check out what he says,

To practice self control: The "Six-C Method"
Determine to bring every thought and habit under captivity to Christ
Confess it to God in a specific prayer of repentance.
Claim the victory from God on the basis of His great and precious promises.
Confide this matter to a friend who will serve as your accountability partner.
Continue, don't give in or give up, even if you have failures along the way.
God's grace is stronger than your weakness, and His blood not only forgive you, it cleanses from all sin. (1 John 1:9)

I like what he suggests. This "method" can be used on a wide variety of "obsessions" - worries, habits, etc. And it does take a decision, a determination, to use Jeremiah's words. It also requires faith because with faith comes trust.

Father, I again turn to you. I am giving you every thought of mine. You already know each one I have. I confess that I am trying to take control of a situation I have no control over. God, I praise you that you do have that control. I trust you and claim your victory over these thoughts and desires to plan. Help me to not be distracted by thoughts of the future from things that you have for me today. Amen.

just "Do the Next Thing"

I read this at Rocks in my Dryer this morning and just had to share. May it gently encourage you to just "do the next thing" in whatever quicksand moment God might have you in right now....

(Shannon does not know the original author, but knew Elisabeth Elliott has quoted from it):

Do the Next Thing

From an old English parsonage down by the sea
There came in the twilight a message to me;
Its quaint Saxon legend, deeply engraven,
Hath, it seems to me, teaching from Heaven.
And on through the doors the quiet words ring
Like a low inspiration: “Do the next thing.”

Many a questioning, many a fear,
Many a doubt, hath its quieting here.
Moment by moment, let down from Heaven,
Time, opportunity, and guidance are given.
Fear not tomorrows, child of the King,
Trust them with Jesus, do the next thing.

Do it immediately, do it with prayer;
Do it reliantly, casting all care;
Do it with reverence, tracing His hand
Who placed it before thee with earnest command.
Stayed on Omnipotence, safe ‘neath His wing,
Leave all results, do the next thing.

Looking for Jesus, ever serener,
Working or suffering, be thy demeanor;
In His dear presence, the rest of His calm,
The light of His countenance be thy psalm,
Strong in His faithfulness, praise and sing.
Then, as He beckons thee, do the next thing.

jeans

Well, in a desperate search for the "perfect jean," I left Kohl's last night with three pairs! I got two of one kind and third of another. But, they were all Levi's. I don't recall ever owning a pair of Levi's. Usually I hit an outlet store (I grew up in DE, tax free outlet shopping - the best!) - Gap or Lee Jeans and purchase jeans there. And, I've even snagged some good jeans at Goodwill before. $5 for some great namebrands - even better than my outlet deals!
Either I must be getting old (since I'm just two months away from the big 3-0) or maybe it's because I've birthed two babies, but I kinda like the jeans that come up to my "natural waist." These Levi's 512 are called "perfectly slimming." To me, that also translates into a waistband that doesn't gap open in the back. Woohoo! I have a problem finding a waistband that doesn't pop open in the back, forcing me to wear a belt, which I don't really like to do. It's more snug around the top, which is great in preventing the "muffin top" phenomenon. :) The other thing about these jeans is that they are actually the perfect length. I am in that wonderful bubble between short and medium in length. But, not with Levi's - I am the perfect height for their medium length. Alright!
The third pair I bought aren't on Kohl's website, otherwise I'd link them up as well, but they are more of what I'd call a "trouser jean." A little more straight-lined, come to mid-rise, and longer to wear with heals. I look forward to wearing that style as well.
One gripe before I wind this up - my jeans were all between $30-35 (I can't believe I even paid that much, err!). My husband (who only had to try on about four pairs, as men's sizing is so straightforward) walked away with two pairs of jeans, both under $20 (one was only $13!). Men get the easy sizing and a better deal - what's up with that?!
It was funny... I was looking at the men's jeans and couldn't believe that the Levi's labels actually state their size on the outside patch on the waistline. My hubby was like, "Yeah, they always do that." I so couldn't believe it... they could never get away with that for women (Thank goodness! And just to be sure, I checked to make sure my Levi's were void of size markings!) :)

people in my life

Spoke with a friend yesterday after finding out that she's now expecting (after 2 12-week miscarriages this past year). It was really interesting to hear her perspectives. She's having trouble getting excited. She has had her first ultrasound, which helped ease some anxiety, however just can't get excited about sharing her news with anyone. Apparently, after sharing the news on her two previous pregnancies, she miscarried the following weekend, so she's a little "gun-shy" on sharing the news this time (understandably). She's conceived quickly after each subsequent loss, so I think her heart is still in healing mode before she can really process the new news. She hadn't really decided it was "time to move on," God just created the new little baby in His perfect timing. Her progesterone levels haven't straightened out and she is so incredibly sick with this pregnancy, which is a new thing for her as well. So, I can see why it might be hard to settle into "happy" mode. If you would, her name is Elizabeth, please lift her in prayer.

We're having company this weekend. Friends from college will be here with their four kids. So... my 1250 square foot home will be overrun with children (or at least it will seem that way) ;) Our friends (& their 1 son) will be staying in a hotel room at night, but their three girls will be sleeping over here with my daughter. Wish me and hubby well. I know it will be a late night of "shhh, girls... go to sleep!" on friday night. :)

I so can't believe it... I missed my sister's anniversary! Mine was Tuesday (!!) and hers was the week before. I got a card in the mail today from her (so maybe she almost forgot too, haha) which is the only reason I remembered in the first place. Ah! Yikes. What a great big sis, hm?

Went out to eat at Red Robin today (man, that place is seriously delicious!) with some of our church's seniors (as in senior citizens). What a spunky group. I had a lot of fun. I spend so much time with our teens, that I really really enjoy the time with this opposite-age group. Titus 2 - the older adults (women, in this particular verse) have so much that they can teach us. I need to absorb more of their wisdom, more often.

Sorry for the mis-mash of "this and that" - not a very exciting post. I hope you have a fantastic weekend! :)

Wordless Wed - on the road

life

I was reading at Light Your World this morning, where Greg digs into a discussion of life. He pulls out the three different Greek words for life, as found in the Bible. Several parts of his post stood out to me:

"My life - my zoe (which he explains is 'the absolute fullness of the life and soul, it belongs to God, it is real and genuine, it is joyfully devoted to God, and it is lasts forever and ever') - depends on making the right choice... and the ironic part of this is I am generally unaware of how this all works. Did I just make the right choice or did Jesus show up and smother me in grace and deliver me from disaster? Maybe it's both. All I know is that, given my inclination to do things my way, the only good that comes from me is the good that Jesus works in and thru me."
...

"We can't do anything without Jesus. And we can't do anything with Jesus until we go to Him and humble ourselves in His presence. And we can't find a better place to do that than to go to His Word, the Bible, for it is there that He speaks most clearly to us. And we can't find a better second place to go to Him than in prayer, for it is there that we find peace.

We can't be healed in the places we are desperate for healing until we spend time with Him and let His loving, gracious self touch us. We can't be comforted unless we hear His peaceful whispers. We can't have victory in the areas that we need victory until we grasp that He is our victory. We can't have any hope at all unless He is leading the way."

Wow. Thank you for the reminder, for the gentle prodding to desire my "life" to be best described by the Greek word "zoe." The reality is that it could never happen unless we fully rely upon Him.
Be sure to read the rest of his post here.

Tackle It Tuesday - paintings

Over the years of our marriage (8 years today!), we've accumulated various paintings, pictures, wall hangings, etc. that we've used in our homes over the years (7 houses/5 states!) The ones we're not using now have just been piled up in our third bedroom closet.















Because it's January and I'm an organizational nut anyways, I decided to tackle the mess and sort through what we need and what we don't. I now have a big donation pile and have boxed (and labeled, check it out) what we've got... just in case I need an extra wooden picture frame "which I know we have around here somewhere." Now I know! :)

cake?!

I had a friend follow up with me and ask about how my appointment went. She's a friend within a ladies Bible study class I'm in on Wednesdays. I had shared with them about my appointment that was coming up. So, I filled her in and then she asked me the most peculiar question. Or at least it came off that way to me. You can tell me what you think... she asked me what I was going to do on May 24th, the one year anniversary of his birth/death. She went on to ask if I was going to make a birthday cake and have a family gathering/party sort of time. Not to celebrate his death, but just to remember him, she said. Now I can see where the root of her question was coming from and she's so sweet, I know she meant to disrespect or harm. But, I would have never thought about going that far. And, maybe that's just me. Looking ahead, it'll be Memorial Day weekend again, so I think we'd still go ahead and host the annual picnic at our house for the rest of the church staff families on that Saturday. But, the 24th itself will be a Sunday so we'll have church in the morning and evening. The day will most likely pass relatively quickly because it's busy and they always do, but ... um ... no, I don't think I'll be making a birthday cake. I think I'll be walking down the nursery hall on the way out, blinking back tears. Nevertheless, I think I'll also be asking to hold Molly, my friend's daughter born 12 days before Nathan, knowing that it'll be painful but necessary. I see myself wearing a little blue ribbon or a blue outfit to symbolize my son. I'll be looking out at Nathan's Smoke Tree, which will be in full bloom that month, wondering what he'd look like crawling or maybe even toddling around the back yard. I pray I'll be praising God for new life within me at that point, knowing with a sweet sorrow that it's new little life wouldn't have happened if not for his/her big brother's death. But, cake? Nah, no cake.

all things

"Paul uses the phrase all things several times in his letters. In each case, we come to understand that we serve a God of all things. There is nothing before us, nothing within us or outside us, nothing we can even imagine that is not His thing and usable within His plan."
-taken from Captured by Grace by David Jeremiah

Now how's that for some hope for the new year?!

Romans 8:28

comfort, mostly

Well, an update from my previous post... the appointment started out fine. We found our way to the correct part of town and found the office. An hour later, we get called back for a quick blood pressure check and then were put into a consultation room. Another thirty minutes later, the doctor comes in, empty handed. Apparently, when my obgyn made the appointment for me three and a half months ago, my medical chart did not get faxed over as thought. I was quite upset. I came for a second opinion and he wasn't even able to read over my "story!" Errr... But, anyways, the doctor wasn't concerned and just asked me to talk about what happened, my gyn. history, medical history, etc. All in all, after the hour he spent with us, I left feeling better. Feeling like it was "ok" to start trying again, that I could return to my regular ob for the next pregnancy. Some of his recommendations would be that with the next pregnancy, we'd be monitored monthly by ultrasound, hooked up to a fetal stress test monitoring weekly in my last two months, and even be induced at 37 weeks. Apparently, those are pretty standard recommendations for subsequent babies after a loss like mine (all that is what my regular ob had talked to us about doing our next time around). The doctor today did not see any reason that I should switch my ob office to his high risk specialist practice, although I was welcome to. I'll be considered high risk within my regular ob office, but my history and loss did not warrant anything beyond that. As I write this out, it sounds like it's not enough, like I want to scream "Do you know what I went through? Treat me special!" :) But, you know, I truly truly believe (and I was able to share this with the doctor) that God knows my yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He will guide me to and through the next pregnancy. Yes, I will like the extra monitoring, etc., but ultimately I and my next child (& the rest of my family) are His and within His sight each minute of each day. I will make the choice to rest confidently in that fact. I'm ready to put it all in His hands and open to trying, open to whatever He may have for us next. Thank you for your prayer. The afternoon was extremely long and sad recounting Nathan's death, but God's comfort was felt. Praise Him!

sharing prayer

This morning I sat down and started in the book of Daniel in the Bible. A familiar story, but I asked that God use the familiar to teach me something that I needed to be reminded of today. I thought I'd share. In Daniel, chapter 2:17-19 specifically, God reminded me the importance of sharing my prayer load. When Daniel heard about the king's order to kill all the "wise men of Babylon" (Daniel and his friends being four of those such men), he "urged" his friends to "plead for mercy from God." It was then that the Lord revealed the king's dream and it's meaning to Daniel. Daniel was then able to see the king and relay the news to him. There's lots more to the story (which is when the "fiery furnace" and "lion's den" part come in - see the rest of the book of Daniel for that), but God wanted me to read about prayer this morning. Whe shouldn't be afraid to share our burdens with others, especially fellow believers that will join us in prayer over our needs and concerns.
So, that being said, I now turn to y'all and ask that you keep me in prayer this afternoon. :) I go in to a "maternal/fetal" specialist for a consultation, check up, etc. to talk about my child losses and to draw blood, and hopefully for the go-ahead to move forward and begin again. My obgyn said that this type appointment wasn't necessary, that there were no "red flags" in anything that happened, however for my piece of mind it was perfectly ok to go. So, I made the appointment and am just eager to talk to someone as a second opinion and to ask questions about what's next and what happens if/when I do get pregnant again, etc. So, that's it, but it does have me a little bit nervous. Would you ask God for a little comfort for me today? A little wisdom too. Thanks.

sigh...

What a major disappointment. We ended up purchasing a netbook (pretty much a miniature laptop, best for web surfing and not too much else, or at least that was my desire for it) last week and it finally arrived yesterday. I was such a sweet little wife. I waited until my (electronic gadget-loving) husband got home so that we could "tear into it" together. Anyways, he played on it last night, ran it through the initial setup and then configured it to find our wireless. Well, I go to turn it on this morning so that I could finally have some "playtime" in the quiet house and the graphics card or OS has gone bad (according to the HP tech support people). So, we've decided we're sending it back and getting a refund instead of a repair. We said that we want to cut out debt and instead of putting the extra money towards debt reduction we caved in and bought the laptop. Maybe we should've just been responsible from the start...

existence

I was listening to a song on the radio this morning and the lyrics included the idea that God was there even before we needed a Savior. How humbling a reminder. God's not in existence because of us. We get so caught up in the "us" part of things that we forget we're but a speck in the overall plan of life.
God exists as a trinity in form - Father, Son, Holy Spirit - a "triune God." All parts were present at creation of the world. In Genesis 1 it mentions God the Father and the Spirit. In John 1 it mentions the Son. He created the beautiful Garden of Eden and then created man to tend it. Then came woman, then the fall and because humans then took something created for beauty and turned it into something so twisted, eventually the Son had to come to earth to redeem us as our Savior. It was because of His mercy that God the Father sent God the Son to come as a man on earth. God the Son wasn't created because of us - He was in existence already. Mary had nothing to do with the Son's creation, she merely was the vessel that carried Him to earth to fulfill God's saving plan for His creation.
Wow. Talk about an amazing love. God looks down and sees what a mess we've gotten ourselves into. The humankind that He created in love in such a beautiful environment had gone so wrong over time. He cared so deeply that He sent part of Himself, in the form of the Son, to earth - such a nasty, sinful, earth so far removed from where He started in the beginning. The Son, in a limited, human body, would then feel every little thing that humans experience, including a horribly painful death on a cross - just to save us! (my paraphrase of something that is truly too incredible to be bound by my human words...) That makes me feel so small and insignificant, unworthy, but so loved and cared for, redeemed.
Way way way back, even before creation, God was there. All parts of God. He was, is, and always will be.

Wordless Wed - first pics

My daughter (five years old) got a real, digital camera for Christmas. She loves taking photos with ours and is always very careful, so when the grandparents asked what they should get her, I brought up the idea.
Here are two of her first few photos, after snapping some of me & her daddy.

She took about five of the tv! :)


And then some of her "baby bear." (ignore the trash by the backdoor to go out...)

How fun!

the grace life

"The grace life respects not only elders and people of authority but everyone it encounters. It respects those with whom we disagree. It respects strangers. In work situations, it respects subordinates. When we live by grace, we see through the eyes of grace. Suddenly that other person appears to us as a child of God, someone to whom Christ is reaching out, just as He is reaching to us. We hear His voice whispering to us, 'Will you help Me get through to that one? Will you serve this person? She cannot hear my voice now, but she will respond to your gentleness.'" (taken from p 176, Captured by Grace by David Jeremiah)

If I had to create a new year's resolution it would be that I would live out that grace life. I desire to hear the whispers of God, or should I say, I desire to have the self motivation, the "guts," the whatever to OBEY them. My resolution is to grow closer to Christ that I may be so honored to have his voice whispered to me. That His other children (people) might be reached through something that I might do for them in His name. That I would see others as He sees them, simply as His children, whom He created and loves.

so much free time, it's gone!

Well, I woke up with a determination to start the year off right... 1. get Lynn up and off to school (a feat much easier accomplished than I thought! She's had some late nights and late mornings this whole break.)... 2. return an overdue, "oops-look-what-I-found" children's library book to the library... 3. go to the gym to work out (a routine I've slowly been getting into over the past month and a half or so. There sure were lots of new people there, because of some new resolutions perhaps?)... 4. pick up my at-home file work from my boss' house (only to learn that they wanted us to take - another - week or two off because of the backup of files to be processed. Turns out we filers are faster than him, the auditor, going through them. So, there goes a nice fat paycheck opportunity down the drain. Gotta wait another week or two to get more files, aka, paycheck money. errr)... 5. pick up my hubby's paycheck (he at least got paid!)... 6. deposit that check in the bank... 7. go home and pay bills. Hm, well I kinda bypassed number 7 and skimmed some blogs instead (but, I do have laundry going in the background, so at least something's getting done)! :) So, anyways, I guess I'd better get moving. My "suddenly free" day is flying by. I'd better make a list of what I want to accomplish with my free week off so that it gets done!
Hope y'all are enjoying the start to your first full week of '09!

boy birth in 09

Bittersweetly celebrating today with close friends that just gave birth to a baby boy. They did not find out the s ex of the child, so today's birth announcement was a surprise for everyone. They found out about the pregnancy the week that we lost Nathan and in love for us, waited several additional weeks to announce their pregnancy to us. So, it's definitely lead me to think my little boy today. To reminisce about my last few months of pregnancy - feeling him tumble around inside of me, looking forward to finding out whether it would be a boy or a girl. Somehow having little Jake born today (as a boy) has completed another little something tied to our loss. I don't know if that makes sense or not, but for me, it's brought up some emotions to the surface.... missing Nathan, missing a baby, battling (mentally) whether I'm truly ready to start trying again or not. (I am... but... ) Anyways, it just comes down to "letting go and letting God." I tend to overthink things and I am at it again! :)
I am ready for 2009. Some other moms that have lost their babies in '08 have written about being a little sad about moving on to a new year - one in which has no connections to the year in which they lost their baby. I don't think I feel any sadness over that. Time has been passing, whether I was ready or not, and moving onto Janurary of '09 is just another month. After I pass the one year mark of his loss, I will have to say "I lost my son in May of '08" and not just "last May." I think that will make it feel forever ago.
I'm ready for 2009 - praising God for bringing us another year, with the hope of what's to come.