Friday, January 2, 2009

boy birth in 09

Bittersweetly celebrating today with close friends that just gave birth to a baby boy. They did not find out the s ex of the child, so today's birth announcement was a surprise for everyone. They found out about the pregnancy the week that we lost Nathan and in love for us, waited several additional weeks to announce their pregnancy to us. So, it's definitely lead me to think my little boy today. To reminisce about my last few months of pregnancy - feeling him tumble around inside of me, looking forward to finding out whether it would be a boy or a girl. Somehow having little Jake born today (as a boy) has completed another little something tied to our loss. I don't know if that makes sense or not, but for me, it's brought up some emotions to the surface.... missing Nathan, missing a baby, battling (mentally) whether I'm truly ready to start trying again or not. (I am... but... ) Anyways, it just comes down to "letting go and letting God." I tend to overthink things and I am at it again! :)
I am ready for 2009. Some other moms that have lost their babies in '08 have written about being a little sad about moving on to a new year - one in which has no connections to the year in which they lost their baby. I don't think I feel any sadness over that. Time has been passing, whether I was ready or not, and moving onto Janurary of '09 is just another month. After I pass the one year mark of his loss, I will have to say "I lost my son in May of '08" and not just "last May." I think that will make it feel forever ago.
I'm ready for 2009 - praising God for bringing us another year, with the hope of what's to come.

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