rearranged!

So this weekend we attacked my daughter's room all with the intention of giving her a "hiding space" like the one my daughter saw on one of my Pinterest boards:

Well, my daughter is of course 8, so there is no crib in her room... she does however have a fantastic bed that has drawers underneath so it sits a bit higher. We turned her bed and gave her some space between it and the wall (hidden from the door to her room), that being the best "fix" for an impossible goal. We then arranged every other piece of furniture in her room and cleaned off all dresser and desk tops, so it's picked up and looks new.

I love rearranging rooms. It just freshens a space. My master bedroom and living room are pretty much situated in the only possible way available -  not much empty wall space - too many doorways, closets, and a fireplace in the living room. Boo :( So, that leaves me rearranging the kids' rooms. :) Yesterday, I was able to give Zane the above type space (and goodness, Lynn is jealous). His bed was already in the perfect spot, I just had to move a piece of furniture out of the corner (relocated to his closet!) Sooo... I'm hoping my hubs will give me the go-ahead to put together the pvc framework to give him the curtains. We tried a tension rod and that is not quite the best idea for a 2year old boy! :) Not only doesn't it stay up long, it then becomes a sword that he swings around! (Where do they learn this stuff? I really think it's just in the genes for boys - swords/guns, cars, balls. It's all there - with no teaching from us!) Anyway, I was trying to think of what to do with the "secret hiding spot" to make it more "boyish." I thought about putting a small tent in that space, but it's really too small for that. I thought about making it more of a teepee hideout, which would work, I guess. But, after passing along this idea to my dad, who enjoys making things, I think I'll just stay with the curtains and have this on the wall inside the "secret spot":

That is very cool! Gadgets to fiddle with. Zane will be all over this. He's into figuring out how things connect and work. He has already disassembled things, due to curiosity vs a destructive nature. Thanks, Pinterest, for some fun ideas to feed my rearranging addiction. ;)

You don't have any different ideas for Zane's spot, do you? What would make this hideout more "boyish?"



edited: just found this space as a boy option... Those are cool things hanging from the ceiling. Zane's room is more about cars and trains though... I also have a huge open wall to fill. I've been debating what to do on that! Spare car parts? Photos of cars? Unfortunately my budget for this is like $10, so I can't be too extravagant for either part of the project...

what to "be"

I stole a few moments of extra nuzzling before nap today and as I sit down to write this, my heart is just overflowing with love for my son. He didn't do anything out of the ordinary, didn't give me any extra squeezes before laying him down for nap, but he is just who he is. My son. Given to me by God, temporarily, to raise, alongside my husband.

When I think of the struggles my son (& my daughter!) might one day face, living in this fallen world, my heart seizes up and my almost trips over itself (if it could) streaming out prayer to God for their souls and their purity. The days that I forget what a place I have in my children's lives, God gently reminds me.

I have several working (some p/t, some f/t) friends who share, almost secretly and ashamedly, that their heart's desire is just to stay at home with their children daily. In a conversation just this weekend, I said, "And that would be ok. In fact, it was God Himself who put those desires there. That is what He planned for you to do." Society tells women, like my friend, pursue a career. She is actually working on a bachelor's degree right now. She's a wife, a mom, and a part-time working woman in addition to this. When questioned by her husband why she wants to continue to pursue her education when she ultimately wants to stay at home, she answers that she can use it with their children. She confessed that she used to be career-focused, but now that she's got a three year old that she drops off for childcare three days a week, she's realizing that career isn't the most important thing to her any more.

I remember during my senior year in college, I was in a panic that I didn't know what I wanted to "be" after graduation. Oh, I had completed all the requirements for a major (psychology) and a minor (human resource management), but I thought I needed to pick a career title as my ultimate goal. As it was, I had also taken all the classes beside "Elementary School Methods" for a teaching certificate in addition to my major/minor when I decided that wasn't what I wanted to do. When senior year got here, I was giddily planning a wedding without much thought to the career I'd hold after marriage. But when it came down to applying to positions at businesses in the town where we'd live, I became breathless with fear. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I was going to be a wife. Wasn't that enough? The job would come along. Or wouldn't it? I became panicked and began looking at graduate schools in the area instead of jobs. Maybe I needed more specializing before I picked a lifetime career. The Lord finally spoke to me that my "title" just needed to be His child and that my fear was ill placed. I went on to get married and obtain a position within the Human Resources field. Not quite so "coincidentally" my position had to be pulled back to part time while I was pregnant with our first child, after we had decided I would stay at home with the baby (even with hubs completing seminary).

Almost eleven years later, I have had a handful of part time positions at different locations/stages in our marriage. During those times, my mother (when we lived with them for six months) or my husband were caretakers for Lynn. Blessedly, we are (still) learning the best ways to live and manage what we have to allow me to continue to be home for the, now two, children.

I still have doubts on whether we can do it. I still have little nags that I need to be using my degree "for something." I still wonder if this is "all" I have been called to do right now. Mercifully, instead of pursuing work outside the home, my husband stays consistent with his encouragement and desire for me to be home and God brings me into conversation and counsel with yet another working friend who misses raising her children.

There's to be no shame in wanting to stay home to raise your child(ren).

On this topic, I found my way to the blog Femina, where Nancy Ann writes:

At the end of the day, it’s not prestige and a paycheck that rise up to call you blessed. Those things burn up. The things that last, the eternal things, have fat faces and messy hands.
Christian women must be counter-cultural and think like women of faith who take the Bible seriously and don’t mind who knows it. The flesh is weak, but God gives more faith.  Cultural cliches come and go, but God’s Word remains our standard and authority for life.
This means that Christian women must accept the fact that God has designed them for a set purpose. Eve was created because Adam needed a helper. He was no good without her. A man needs a woman to accomplish all God is calling him to do. She is his glory. She is his crown. There’s no need to feel apologetic about being a crown and a glory. What an absurd idea!
So, young women, get yourself an education. Learn all you can because you’re going to need it. You want to be one efficient, brilliant helper so this guy you married can get it done. He needs a home and he needs a family and you are the means God has appointed to bring this amazing thing about. What a delight and privilege our calling is.
Are there exceptions? Always. But there is also a norm. Don’t be afraid of embracing the norm of God’s design. It is good.

[day 6] snuggles, cuddles... time

I beat down all my excuses today (I need to vacuum my floors)... sat down, cuddled my son, and read books together. Kicked out some more excuses (my kitchen is a mess)... and took him outside to play. Didn't think twice... and watched some of his favorite tv show, Curious George, with him on my lap.

I sure do love this little guy. He is growing before my eyes. His second birthday will be here in just a few weeks. He is getting so big and so active... he doesn't stop too often for cuddles anymore, but when he does he is so sweet. He will wrap his arms around my neck, give me a hug, and pat me on my back. Too cute. It's this weird feeling... he is so large in my arms, that the "babyness" feel of him has morphed into the reality of holding/hugging a child vs a baby. I really do enjoy him at this age and wouldn't rewind him to infancy, but it's this bittersweet feeling of knowing that time is passing.

Yeah, he's worth kicking out some excuses for.

[day 4] surprise!

Sometimes I don't take the time to enjoy editing my photos. They sit and sit and sit on my camera card. Well today I made the time (kicking out the excuse that something else should be done first) and look what fun treasures I found...

This is my Zane (he'll turn 2 in a month). He typically walks around with armfuls of cars. If he has less than five at one time, it's unusual. On this particular day, I had put him in overalls. To his surprise, he found a new spot for some of his cars...

 "Hey, look these pants have pockets!... all sorts of pockets... 

a car here, a doggie here, another car here..."

 "I ran out of room... oh hey, check out THIS side pocket (down the front of his pants), it's huge!... 

wait a minute... something's moving down my leg... 

hey! it's my car...! How'd that get there?!"

Too cute! The next time I am just going to develop these photos. After all, it is these little moments that make the most fun memories.
Have you ever found photos days or months later that you forgot you had taken?

fedoras on toddlers...

So this little fedora-sporting cutie pie has music in his genetic makeup, or just a strong desire for a good beat :) I headed to a spot downtown one evening, intending to take a few shots of the children. One of those grandparents-are-asking-for-recent-pics type excuses. What we discovered at our location was a steel drum player! Boy did that make Zane happy! He did not stop "be-bopping" the entire time. Lynn found it just as exciting, but at 8 years old, she was a little more shy when it came to dancing with an audience.

What labor means to me...

In honor of Labor Day, I’m sharing the hardest work I’ve ever done!

(Thank you for the idea, Kristen at We're THAT Family....)

 

How long were your labors?

Kid #1, 12 hours

Kid #2, 11 hours

Kid #3, 12 hours

How did you know you were in labor?

Kid #1, 10 days late, induced, met our (surprise) little girl at 8lbs 12oz

Kid #2, 4 weeks early, induced after not feeling him move, our son was born-still at 5lbs 2oz

Kid #3, 2 weeks early, induced for my peace of mind (after plenty of ultrasounds to check readiness), met our little boy at 8lbs 8oz (at that size, he was more than ready!)

Where did you deliver?

hospital (my daughter when we lived in another part of the state & my boys at the same hospital where we currently live)

Drugs?

pitocin for the baby... epidural for the momma!

C-section?

As much as I wanted one for my second, after we found out we had lost him, the doctor told me that I had to deliver naturally as it would be best and easiest on my body (although maybe not my emotions...). He was right, but it was hard.

Who delivered?

          3 different doctors, each perfect for their pregnancy 

How about you? What are your numbers?

[Did you adopt? (how long did you wait?) Not a mom yet (how long were your mom's numbers)?]

siblings

Having a little creativity block...
which means I find myself at Pinterest looking at others' ideas and creativity. I get lost in the "pretties" - from clever crafty ideas to beautiful places around the world. Anyway, I already posted on Pinterest, so I won't go down that rabbit trail ;)
Sooo...
School's been in for a solid week now. I think we've transitioned into the new routine and have found our "groove" for the mornings and afternoons. Mr. H is still able to take Lynn to school (thanks to his work allowing him to shift his hours) and I handle the homework "un-happy" hours after school ;)
I really did have a good summer with both kids at home. I felt like the time was terrific with each of them - Lynn and I bonded over reading together. Each night we curled up on the couch together and read our own books next to each other. As a bookworm myself, it has been a-m-a-z-i-n-g to see that love of reading take off this summer! Last year, it was like twisting her arm to convince her to try something longer than a children's storybook. This summer, she's now gotten hooked on The Boxcar Children series as well as the American Girl series' and (an easier read) the Rainbow Magic series' which feature fairies (the only hang-over from the days of Disney princesses: Tinkerbell & "fairies"). I enjoy hearing about the plots and getting to discuss the characters and little details that excite her about the story.
Zane has not stopped growing, learning or talking. It surprises me each day what he words and concepts he is repeating and just independently talking about. Maybe it's just more of that younger sibling stuff, but he seems to be making leaps and bounds faster than I remember with Lynn. He is one smart little dude. Or very observant anyways ;)

I'm not sure if any of you moms that have a significant gap between your children would agree, but for us Zane has just been this breath of fresh air. Lynn is such a serious kid and has always just been prone to challenging us, negotiating everything, and has a definite opinion on how something should be done. Maybe that's just a lot of typical stuff for first-borns (especially as the child of two first-borns as parents!), but in comparison Zane is sooo laid back and funny. He will make funny faces and expressions that he knows makes us chuckle and then giggle along with us. I know a lot of what we find so irresistibly adorable is probably just having a toddler around, when it's been six years since Lynn was there, but underneath it all, he has a totally different personality that I am so excited to see how will develop and be used by God. Zane is a tangible reminder that God remembers us and is so gracious to give us what we don't deserve. To allow us to have Zane after losing Nathan was pure grace. And we are so grateful. I am thankful for both of my children. Their differences (and their similarities) make them excellent siblings and such amazing blessings to us.

little brother left behind syndrome

Family up, (lots of other somewhat frantic details in between), and dad & daughter out the door... first day of school!

It'll be interesting to see how Zane does now that his best buddy is gone for the most of the day. Lynn has been his number one interest, his go-to for fun, his excuse for crying, and his all around constant companion this summer. He adores her. The two of them have done so well. Lynn is a great big sister. While not overly-nurturing, she is very generous with him and generally wants to hang out and play with him, not minding when he plays with her things or gets involved in what she's doing. She's very quick to make sure things aren't too little for him and that he doesn't get into what he shouldn't. She is, of course, old enough and big enough to be trusted alone with him and doesn't mind being put in the "babysitter" role as I go take a shower or do chores around the house.

And now she's off to third grade, leaving behind little man and mommy.

We'll see how long it takes Zane (& me) to adjust. :)

it's raining...

This summer seemed to bring lots of thunderstorms with some bad lightening and "scary" thunder. There was one gentle, morning shower, though that had no dangerous lightening. After kissing my hubby goodbye for work, I stripped Zane down to a diaper, pulled on his rain boots, and actually gave him the umbrella that he always wants to pull out of the closet. :) I opened the backdoor and plopped him down. He had a ball! Stomping in puddles and eventually ditching the umbrella when he found the gutter downspout, splashing in the water that poured down. A little impromptu fun!

blueberries

Anyone recognize these? They're blueberry bushes! I have spent the last few summers picking strawberries, but I'd never been on a blueberry farm.

Now I have!

When visiting my parents, the kids, my mom, and I went to pick. It was hot, however the kids really got into it, and after a quick lesson on "blue" vs. "green," Zane was mostly on board with picking only the ripe ones.


Mmmm... fresh blueberries. Oddly enough, I prefer them as ingredients rather than a snack by themselves, so the blueberry muffins and pancakes we had the following mornings were delicious!


What types of fruit have you ever picked fresh?

summer

I am really struggling with transitioning into summertime. I haven't been on my blog in a week (sorry about that!) and really haven't had much "screen time" to read others' blogs either. One thing is for sure: I have got to get us into a steady summer routine. I need it, Lynn needs it, and Zane needs it. And for the state of my household when my husband arrives home, he needs it.

I am finding that I tend to want to leave the house (usually mornings) to go run an errand or even just head to the library or park, just to get out of the house with the kids. It makes the day go by and gives us some variety. [It can also be very dangerous because it invites the opportunity to spend money which I have got to be very careful about.] Then comes lunch and Zane's nap (& Lynn's reading or play in her own room) time. That's about the only time I get to myself. Lynn is a talker and I have got to get into "mommy-mode" and be ready to listen. I think this is such a great opportunity to be there for her, to listen, and to be able to speak into her life, that I've gotta be on my game. But, I think it also means that we do some daily chores, daily fun things, and "scheduled" time apart as well.

I have found already that when Lynn is bored during the day (usually about 4:30-5p), she picks on her brother. So I've got to invent something for that time of day. Zane is usually ready for dinner and more temperamental around that time of afternoon anyways, so his sister's picking does not go over well. Mr. H usually gets home about 5:45, so that is a long hour. Unfortunately it's just been so stinking hot that I can't kick them outside to play every day, although I do that a lot.

How do you handle summer? Is it a break from schedules or do you set up a routine?

rainbow babies

photo © 2008 sabianmaggy | more info (via: Wylio)
Emotions after bringing home a new baby from a pregnancy conceived after a prior loss (sometimes called a "rainbow baby") can be pretty messy. I mean all those normal hormonal things are going on, but then there's these other emotions that are a mix of relief, sorrow, excitement, and a million other things, all brought on because of a prior loss.

I found this description for what a rainbow baby is and thought I'd share, since she put it so beautifully poetic:

"Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope. Courtney

I have a friend that just had her rainbow baby. She is dealing with a mixture of feelings (in addition to a ridiculously painful case of mastitis) and spoke to me about some of them this week. What she said rang true of my experiences 18 months ago, although at the time I didn't give it any thought that it was due to my losing Nathan.

Now this may be the case with all second-born living children, but when you bring that little brother or sister home, you think you should just intrinsically know what to do because well, hey, so far so good with the first one, right? But, as days and nights go on and the crying doesn't cease and sleep doesn't come so easily with that little baby, you being to wonder what this alien is that you brought home. "Surely that's not what my first child did!" "I don't remember this," you think. Anyone identify? No? Ok, well for me and my friend Rachel, that is what we experienced. :) In my case, after being pregnant for 36 weeks with Nathan then 38.5 weeks (induced early) with Zane (9 mos between the two), I felt like I had been pregnant long enough to be more than ready to handle having a newborn at home. :)

What I think might be true to rainbow babies or babies that are born after a period of infertility, a mom will build up the coming child as "the one we waited so long for" or "the extra special baby." The problem begins when that little precious sinful child enters the world and does not live up to that expectation. Just because a baby is conceived after a loss, it doesn't mean that baby won't act like any other newborn. I didn't think about it in those terms until my friend shared that she realized she was doing that. I didn't think that I put that extra pressure on my Zane, but I do remember thinking, "Wait. It's not supposed to be like this. Why is he crying sooo much? Every night!?" So maybe I did... In my case, it took my best gal friend saying to me, "Don't you remember that Lynn did that?" She recalled several evenings when she and her hubby came over for dinner when we just had Lynn in her swing and she was crying. She remembers that after asking us what was wrong with her, we just threw up our hands in frustration and confusion. Long awaited for babies aren't perfect, just highly anticipated :)

Something I did remember feeling... unexpected sorrow. Thinking more about Nathan. Why should I be thinking of the son I lost? I had my new son, perfect, healthy, and breathing in my arms. My empty arms were now full! I knew in my head all along that my new baby wouldn't replace my lost baby, but when he finally arrived, it was like my heart finally caught up with my head. It said, "Wow, you're right. You have another son, but your first son is still gone. Oh. Gone. Yeah. That's right. He's still gone." Weird thing, those female emotions. Truth is, sometimes still I see these stages that Zane is in and wonder what Nathan would have looked like going through them. We'll be remembering his birth day in another week or so. Three. He'd be three. That just blows my mind. What would he be getting into?! Anyways, I digress. More on that on the 24th, I guess.

I write all this to reassure any new rainbow moms that you're not crazy. That baby you are holding, the one you have waited for? It's just as precious as the day the Lord placed him/her in your womb. Hang in there, mom, those first few months will pass and life will settle into routine.

choo-chooooo

Because every little boy needs a train table...

... even if it means rearranging the whole room to accommodate it.

Because later on, you realize that even big sister... mom... and dad... like playing with it too ;)

rest

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest."
Matthew 11:28

routine-changes

Almost to the conclusion of "Operation Change our Routine" -- aka the week in which mommy gives in and stops trying to force her almost 18 month old into taking two naps when there is clearly no interest.

So... he is adjusting much better than I am, although by today, I took it in stride. I admit, I had a sweet thing going. The "usual" rountine had been for him to wake (naturally) around 6:30... eat, play, blah blah... go down for first nap 9:30 (when I then sat down with my cup of coffee, a granola bar, and my Bible. I really really really loved this time. It wasn't too long to wait for coffee and to be able to do my quiet time before my chore or my play-on-the-computer time, was just perfect)... he woke at 11:30/12 and we ate lunch together... fast forward to picking up Lynn from school at 3... Zane would then lay back down after we all ate snack, around 4 for about 30-45 mins... perfect to have time to work on homework with Lynn! Bed around 6:30-7p depending on if that last nap happened or not. Yes, my boy needs his sleep. Because when he gets it, he is an all around happy little boy :)

But, alas... (can't you just hear the dramatic sigh...) all good things must come to an end. ;) So, now our routine is more like wake (naturally) around 6:30... eat, play, watch Elmo, play, then eat early lunch at 11... naptime from 11:30-1:30/2:30 (Mon & Tues he slept til 2:30, Wed & today awake at 1:30, guess it'll just depend on his little body's needs)... get Lynn at 3, snack, play, blah blah, dinner, bed at 6:30-7p.

Shew. I feel tired just reading all those activities and the timing involved. Funny how, as a mom, your day is defined by your child's schedule (and those precious minutes of naptime!) ;)

laughter

The theme for this week's Foto Friday is laughter. Laughter is what you would not have found in this moment yesterday, when I discovered my son wasn't having a nap during his naptime. Instead of sleeping, the little monkey was quietly pulling wipes out of the travel pack, one by one, and having a ball by the look of how they were in and all around his crib. This is just the one side, but he had another pile of them on the other side of his crib (up against the wall) as well. Oh well, wrinkled wipes clean just as well as smooth ones! ;)

photography

It took photography to allow my eyes to see the beauty in the everyday and even in the "ugly" of life. Driving down the road, I compose shots in my mind of the scenery around me... The intriguing rock silo that is on the way to my daughter's school. The doorways of the downtown shops. The car taillights that line up in front of me at a red light. Yep, even the random piles of trashbags that line driveways on trash day.

It took my son to allow me to see that photography in yet another dimension. My one year old son, when carried in my arms, will say "ooooo" and point as I pass by a picture hanging on the wall, both in our home or out somewhere else. Similarly, I can hear him from another room saying a family member's name, and when I peek in to see what he is doing, he is usually pointing at a photograph and saying that person's name.

As I mentioned in my book review last week, these realizations have also made me consider what it is that surround me. Do those pictures on the wall contain items that make me consider the work God has done in my life? Am I slowing down to say "oooo," more than in just the aesthetically pleasing sense? I want to balance my interest in photography with the idea of life symbols. I pray that God will allow me to use this enthusiasm for photography for His glory. I've got some more thinking and praying to do on that subject, but it's something that I'm trying to figure out in my head. What is next for me? Will photography just remain a past time and even if so, how will that past time be used to His favor?

hiking

The weather was so absolutely fantastic this weekend! It had me dreaming of spring.
We went on a hike as a family - our first as a family of four, all together.
Ergo to the rescue! (Although hubby would have preferred a frame pack, I think. Our *cheap* frame pack hurts my back and I've found the Ergo great, but hubby felt it was a little small over top of his fleece jacket).
Lynn was sporting her new hydration pack on her back; she was excited to get to use her Christmas gift.

I was happy with the way this shot turned out - the sun shining in through the bare trees on my daughter who had wandered ahead of us on the trail... so very ethereal. I'm linking it up with Darcy's Sweet Shot Tuesday.

Pentax K-x at 35mm
1/80, f/13
with ISO 1600 (bumped it up to get that light airiness)

reflections

Went outside today - man, the weather almost gives me a hope of spring around the corner (haHA). Little man enjoyed toddling around the patio and after much debate, finally decided he would take a risk and step onto the grass. After getting comfortable with that, we trekked to the back of our property to the swing set and his little slide. What a great treat! Fresh air and warm sunshine! Unfortunately the time outside concluded with a major fit after I carried him in, complete with much eye rubbing, and ending with naptime :)
While I was outside, I played some more with my new polarizing filter. It even made the reflected sky bluer (in my back kitchen window).

boy dragon

Because even little dragons get thirsty...

Pentax K-x at 30.6mm
1/20, f/9.0. ISO 3200