Nathan's tree

What a morning. I don't know why, but I didn't anticipate it being this emotional. We planted our Nathan tree today. Gorgeous, gorgeous day outside as we pulled the wheelbarrow and shovel out of the shed, actually eager to see what our little tree would look like officially in the ground. I wrote out a note for all of us to sign & bury under the tree. On it I wrote,

"Nathan ____ H____

May 24, 2008

(gestationally 36 weeks)

Growing so strong inside your mommy until God called you back home in the whisper of a moment.

We missed getting to know you on earth and look forward to being united in heaven, because of the love of God and the sacrifice of His perfect Son.

This tree is planted today (10-4-08) in memory of you. We love you, son and brother."

Lynn drew four hearts (one for each family member) as well as putting "love" and another heart on the page. We all signed our names, then put it in the bottom of the hole we dug and each tossed a handful of soil on top of the note. Oh my, that was the hardest. We don't have a grave site for Nathan's ashes (& I really debated whether I wanted to bury them with the tree but decided I just couldn't. What would I do if/when we moved? I'd be heartbroken all over again), so tossing the dirt was so symbolic of what you do at a funeral on a casket. I felt like I was saying goodbye all over again. We finished up, eating lunch, then had to get ready for a wedding. Time to closet off my feelings and go "celebrate" with the couple. But, despite my withdrawn attitude, the wedding was absolutely gorgeous and seeing two "broken" families unite was again seeing God's amazing grace filling a pain-filled situation to create something new. He is truly amazing. I will leave you with a few pictures from our morning.