[day 21] remembering pregnancy

I have a friend going through a subsequent pregnancy, after losing a son very very similar to how we did. Excusing how easy it would be to forget the past days of Zane's pregnancy, I am going to spend some time praying for those that are going through a pregnancy after a loss today. I do remember when fear threatened to creep in and take over and then when I was almost breathless in anticipation for my new little one.

Here's an old blog post, from a few weeks before Zane was due, dated Oct. 2009.

Quiet, reflective, contemplative...
I've been all of these and more these days as I have been physically feeling the need to slow down. Nearing the end of a God-guided pregnancy and boy does it feel tremendous. Tremendous, as in, God is tremendous... this baby feels tremendously huge... and some days the pregnancy has felt tremendously long. :) I think back to April and that long, drawn out saga of finding out we were pregnant. Time moving forward... commemorating the one year mark of Nathan's loss in May... then going through a busy summer full of travel and youth trips. Now here we are at the brink of November, the month I am due. In a few days, I'll hit the 36 week mark, the week we lost Nathan. I can't even imagine going this far again and losing this one. To think I went this long in pregnancy and lost Nathan, in the whisper of a moment, with no knowledge of the exact moment his life left me. What's "scary" is that I have done so much more preparing this time around for this little one. Finding out that baby is a boy has been a huge difference in this pregnancy alone. We didn't find out with either of the others, so I don't think that the temptation was there to complete the nursery early on. But, aside from setting up the bassinet (which is at my sister's house), the room is ready for little man. I was given several boxes of boy clothes, which are now washed and folded in his drawer, ready for him. Stroller, car seat, clothes, diapers (well, I don't have those yet either), his family - all ready for him to make his live appearance. What a difference that one little word makes. Live. As in alive. Breathing, moving, crying, eating, opening his eyes. I didn't even get to see Nathan's eyes. I'm sure they were the customary infant blue, but what a difference it will be to get to look into this one's eyes. Oh, my heart tremors in anticipation... in hope... in trust.
So, as these last couple of weeks tick by, I'll remind myself to treasure the movements of life within me and praise God for holding my hand through this journey, trusting him through to the end.

Are you going through a pregnancy after loss right now? Or struggling with other pregnancy issues? Trying to conceive? Feel free to share in the comments. My heart goes out to you and my prayers go up to heaven for you.