Thursday, October 22, 2009

time ticks forward

Quiet, reflective, contemplative...
I've been all of these and more these days as I have been physically feeling the need to slow down. Nearing the end of a God-guided pregnancy and boy does it feel tremendous. Tremendous, as in, God is tremendous... this baby feels tremendously huge... and some days the pregnancy has felt tremendously long. :) I think back to April and that long, drawn out saga of finding out we were pregnant. Time moving forward... commemorating the one year mark of Nathan's loss in May... then going through a busy summer full of travel and youth trips. Now here we are at the brink of November, the month I am due. In a few days, I'll hit the 36 week mark, the week we lost Nathan. I can't even imagine going this far again and losing this one. To think I went this long in pregnancy and lost Nathan, in the whisper of a moment, with no knowledge of the exact moment his life left me. What's "scary" is that I have done so much more preparing this time around for this little one. Finding out that baby is a boy has been a huge difference in this pregnancy alone. We didn't find out with either of the others, so I don't think that the temptation was there to complete the nursery early on. But, aside from setting up the bassinet (which is at my sister's house), the room is ready for little man. I was given several boxes of boy clothes, which are now washed and folded in his drawer, ready for him. Stroller, car seat, clothes, diapers (well, I don't have those yet either), his family - all ready for him to make his live appearance. What a difference that one little word makes. Live. As in alive. Breathing, moving, crying, eating, opening his eyes. I didn't even get to see Nathan's eyes. I'm sure they were the customary infant blue, but what a difference it will be to get to look into this one's eyes. Oh, my heart tremors in anticipation... in hope... in trust.
So, as these last couple of weeks tick by, I'll remind myself to treasure the movements of life within me and praise God for holding my hand through this journey, trusting him through to the end.

1 comment:

HDMac said...

(((((((((((mrs. H)))))))))))))))))) no better hands to hold than those of Christ! :)