Tuesday, November 15, 2011

this and that... babies

Shew. Little man fought nap today, so after giving him a few books, to no avail, I finally scooped him up and carried him to cuddle in the recliner with me. Curious George was on, so I turned on the tv, and promptly fell asleep, while he continued to be awake! Crazy kid. He turned two this weekend, so he better not be getting any big ideas on skipping naptime now.
Funny how life goes like that. Kids grow up. They change. We change to keep up/accommodate.
On the subject of children, I just found out that two of my close friends are now expecting babies, after both suffering miscarriages. I am so excited for them, and turn to God as I also fear for them, keeping my hope in a God that is sovereign that they don't have to face loss again. I also just received an email from a support group that I volunteer for, that there's a mom needing a support parent who just delivered a stillborn child at 41 weeks. I'm transported back to our weeks following our stillbirth loss and again turn to that same God that is in control over the loss as well as the new lives.

We are just wired as women for nurturing and motherhood and I think that's why losses and struggles with infertility hurt so much. I know for me, as weird as it sounds to type, I almost felt a disconnect with my body after we lost Nathan. Oh it had done a fantastic job carrying him to term. All of my pregnancies have been "perfect" with very little symptoms other than some of the smaller, pesky things like nosebleeds, some heartburn, and discomfort sleeping. But after it had failed to give me my baby, failed to sustain life until he was delivered, it was almost like I didn't know who it/I was anymore. I needed those following few months to get "my" body back, to re-trust it almost, before I felt ok with trying for another child. The Lord, in His graciousness, allowed my body to carry another full-term, and deliver a healthy, alive baby. My body had done what I expected it to. I guess we're friends again :) No, but in all seriousness, it was different. That disappointment in my body. That disconnect from who I thought I was versus what it was doing/had done.

I know that some of you are suffering from that disconnect. Your heart is crying out c'mon body, work like you're supposed to! To those, I wish I could squeeze you in a big hug this moment... you and your body.

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