hi.

So. Here I sit. So many months have passed. So much swirling around inside my head. How in the world do I even try and put into words my thoughts? It's so funny how God wires some people to speak words and others just to churn them around inside. My daughter and husband fit the first category and I the second. We'll have to see who Zane is most like in time. (Sorry, Courtney, that was the only time I'll talk about my kiddos specifically, lol).

Anyways. Time has crept on, we figured out how to maneuver through the unstable world of unemployment, and God provided for each and every need we had at that time. I don't really want this post (& future posts) to be merely a synopsis of what I've done for the past four absent months, but rather a glimpse of where we are now. What we've learned. What we're still trying to figure out. Maybe even where we'll wind up.

This blog receives hits from grieving mothers and I hope that you moms have found a reminder here of the hope that can be found in Christ. It's that same hope that guides our days now. Although losing a job was a far cry from losing a child, it still gave us a "wilderness" of sorts to wander in. I mentioned that my husband was pursuing an endorsement for military chaplaincy. We are now at the end of that process. In a week, we are heading to Georgia for a three-day "interview" with the SBC North American Mission Board. I have no idea what to expect and feel excitement, fear, and wonder all at the same time. Maybe this is the ministry for which God has chiseled and prepared us for over the past seven years of tough vocational church ministry. Not sure. As I sit here and let my mind wander over the past few months... we're weathered bill-paying without a paycheck, we've had a role-reversal of jobs for three months, we've fought, we've come closer together, we've tried to model trusting God to our children, we've prayed, we've ignored God, we've gone to (Biblical) counseling, we've sought guidance from trusted family and friends, we've stared at the walls of the house for days on end, we've gone outside and screamed aloud (that was fun), but ultimately through it all, we've grown, we've added experiences and memories to our past. I think back to losing Nathan and feel so removed from that experience. Two years was a long time ago and it'll just get further away with more time. The moment is just that, a moment. Amazing how fast a moment goes by. So while I sit in this "moment" of time now, before I know it, the next one will be here.

Over the past few weeks, I've been searching for military wives' blogs. I've come across several, but keep coming back to Live Beautiful. We share a love of photography and I've enjoyed reading about her life experiences as well. I decided to use her "No Mom Talk Monday" (on a Tuesday, lol) as an inspiration of sorts to get back into blogging.