Tuesday, September 28, 2010

hi.

So. Here I sit. So many months have passed. So much swirling around inside my head. How in the world do I even try and put into words my thoughts? It's so funny how God wires some people to speak words and others just to churn them around inside. My daughter and husband fit the first category and I the second. We'll have to see who Zane is most like in time. (Sorry, Courtney, that was the only time I'll talk about my kiddos specifically, lol).
Anyways. Time has crept on, we figured out how to maneuver through the unstable world of unemployment, and God provided for each and every need we had at that time. I don't really want this post (& future posts) to be merely a synopsis of what I've done for the past four absent months, but rather a glimpse of where we are now. What we've learned. What we're still trying to figure out. Maybe even where we'll wind up.
This blog receives hits from grieving mothers and I hope that you moms have found a reminder here of the hope that can be found in Christ. It's that same hope that guides our days now. Although losing a job was a far cry from losing a child, it still gave us a "wilderness" of sorts to wander in. I mentioned that my husband was pursuing an endorsement for military chaplaincy. We are now at the end of that process. In a week, we are heading to Georgia for a three-day "interview" with the SBC North American Mission Board. I have no idea what to expect and feel excitement, fear, and wonder all at the same time. Maybe this is the ministry for which God has chiseled and prepared us for over the past seven years of tough vocational church ministry. Not sure. As I sit here and let my mind wander over the past few months... we're weathered bill-paying without a paycheck, we've had a role-reversal of jobs for three months, we've fought, we've come closer together, we've tried to model trusting God to our children, we've prayed, we've ignored God, we've gone to (Biblical) counseling, we've sought guidance from trusted family and friends, we've stared at the walls of the house for days on end, we've gone outside and screamed aloud (that was fun), but ultimately through it all, we've grown, we've added experiences and memories to our past. I think back to losing Nathan and feel so removed from that experience. Two years was a long time ago and it'll just get further away with more time. The moment is just that, a moment. Amazing how fast a moment goes by. So while I sit in this "moment" of time now, before I know it, the next one will be here.

Over the past few weeks, I've been searching for military wives' blogs. I've come across several, but keep coming back to Live Beautiful. We share a love of photography and I've enjoyed reading about her life experiences as well. I decided to use her "No Mom Talk Monday" (on a Tuesday, lol) as an inspiration of sorts to get back into blogging.

3 comments:

Rebekah said...

I'm glad you posted this. I was wondering about how you were doing and even came over and checked just yesterday. I don't write my blog as a military wife's blog, but my husband is a Major in the Army, so I appreciate what you and your husband are looking into with the chaplaincy. It's kind of new for me to be active duty, though, because he was in the Reserves until about two years ago. I'll pray for you as you continue to step heavenward through each day of the journey. If by chance you ever end up in the Ft. Knox, KY area, send me a message. :-)

HDMac said...

I've have wondered how you have been.... And how honest this post is... yes, we ALL have our up times and our down times... the fighting, the coming closer, the time with God, the time ignoring what we know to be True... and yet, God is faithful.... and good Christian friends are faithful also... thanks for sharing you.... Praying for you as God directs your life in Him!!

Hugs,

Marcia

Courtney K. said...

Know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers as you pursue this new adventure. I know how straining financial hardship can be. We battled it, and still do at times. It isn't easy, but I admire your wilingness to allow God to lead and use the trials to grow you individually and as a family. Hugs from far away, my friend! I am so happy you found me. :-)