silence

SO much going on in my life right now. Have you ever felt so close to God, but unable to hear him regarding something that you need an answer for? My husband and I have been seeing a NANC counselor for about six weeks now and it has been such a good thing. We are being refined and the fire hasn't been pretty, but by walking in obedience, ultimately desiring to conform to His image, we are drawing closer to God and each other. Severance has run out, but God has provided for our needs through a few random jobs for my husband and by allowing my hobby of photography to bring in some money as well, as I've begun to take pictures of families. So that leaves the question of what next? We've had two small secular job offers come in, one p/t for me, one f/t for him. No way that we could take both, with the way the hours are. His is less than ideal, but it's a job. Mine is ideal, but wouldn't make it easy for him to gain employment to supplement mine to make it enough for our family. Make sense? But that's not even the most complicated part... the complicated part comes in when we explored a way-out-there option. One that we've been skirting around together for the past nine years or so and him for a few years before that. The Army (or National Guard), specifically the chaplaincy program. My husband went to a military college, but did not commission. He went to seminary directly after college. So, military life isn't too far "out there" for him. In fact, if he went into the army, he'd start out at a pretty good spot in the hierarchy. However for me, it's a whole new world (and my name's not Jasmine, lol). It's totally scary on one hand, but on another I feel an uncanny peace about the ministry opportunities that it would bring about. We're praying in what facet of ministry can God best use us... we're praying if Army chaplaincy is the next path for us to take. Youth ministry is still close to my husband's heart, but in counseling we were challenged to "open the box" and pray if God might have another place for us. There's more to the back story and that remains private to us, however we were both stretched with that idea - what if it's something other than youth ministry? And in the meantime, how do we pay for our bills?! When is "a bird in the hand worth two in the bush?" When do you just "take something" to have something? I'm worried that by passing over the f/t opportunity, our health benefits will run out next month and there won't be any other offers. Even if we felt the complete pull to f/t military ministry, the process to begin takes 3-6 mos. In some ways I feel so close to God when I see what we've been through and what we've been sorting through, but He feels so silent...