Thursday, May 6, 2010

no more... bitterness

Part of this week's homework for counseling was to reread a pamphlet regarding bitterness. I had put this off knowing that I had already read it once and did my other homework first earlier this week. Well, today, going through it again, of course God spoke to me. :) I am not much of a "bitter" person. I don't find it hard to forgive. Well, let me rephrase that. When I find myself tempted to hold on to things, I literally ask God out loud to help me move on from it and He helps me to put it behind me. At times, they come back up (which means I never actually let go of it in the first place!) but for the most part, God has given me a spirit of forgiveness in dealing with people. Today I felt very convicted that I was holding on to bitterness against the church in general. Against church ministry. Church people. Church politics. I had turned my heart off to the idea of serving in another church and have been "searching" all other options for us to serve Him. In fact I was so happy when the counselor suggested we pray that God define in what way He wants us to serve Him. I thought, "alright! We're outta the church" -- vocationally, that is. I had said to myself that if we went to another church, I'd just hang in the background. Not really get involved. It'd be easier that way.
Well, as of today I sought His forgiveness and my hubby's forgiveness for that. I don't want to taint my husband's opinion or decisions of what God may be telling him about our future based upon my bitter feelings. So I declare to God - and to you - I'm all in, wherever it is.

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