Saturday, October 8, 2011

[day 8] walk to remember

This morning my family is participating in the annual Walk to Remember, coordinated by Heartstrings, a local infant and pregnancy loss support group. I am allowing myself the time to think back and remember Nathan, to acknowledge his existence, and to share his story with others. While the excuses are plentiful - he's been gone for over three years now, I have two children here to love on and attend to, he never even took a breath on earth with us, blah, blah - I am denying Satan the triumph of erasing Nathan's memory and belittling God's faithfulness to us during that time by walking.

I'm not sure what to expect. Honestly, I think that the sheer number of people in attendance, all having lost a child, will be enough to break my heart and drive me to tears. I will want to reach out and hug every woman there, having experienced the same type of pain. Through Nathan's loss, God has opened my eyes to the volume of families experiencing such a loss. Whether a still birth (like ours), an early loss (like ours), or a loss after birth, the act of losing a child is an unnatural experience. No parent ever considers the idea of burying a child. It's unthinkable. Gratefully, God is an expert in comfort during the unnatural, a rock in the instability of "unthinkableness." Not everyone in attendance will know the Father and seek Him for comfort. Some hearts are still breaking as if the loss was fresh. My heart breaks for those. I'm praying for all in attendance today, and have been this week, that their grief would hurt a little less and their sorrow turn into hope.

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