at the core

Who am I? I mean, look down deep and what will you find? Peel back the layers of mom, wife, child-loss survivor, first-born child, daughter, sister, internet-surfer, photo-nut, control-freak, hates-to-cook, light brown haired, blue eyed girl... and you'll find a soul. A soul that, without Christ, would be so black, so dirty, so ugly, so rancid that you'd turn and run so fast, holding your nose at the stench.
That's who we are at the core. Every. single. one. of. us.

Sometimes I forget that. I forget where I came from. I forget that even as an innocent little baby, even then, I was born tainted by the world which I entered. I think that I have things all together. I mean, I've survived some ridiculous, painful, eye-rolling, hands-thrown-up-in-the-air, inconvenient things in my life. Some have hurt to the core, while others are just annoying, but still I did it. Wait. I? I did not survive the birth of a lifeless baby, the days of physical and emotional pain that followed, and the scarey trust of conceiving again and carrying him to term. I was not responsible for supporting my man when his calling was questioned and his job was pulled out from under his feet one random winter afternoon. I didn't do it by myself or because I am some super-woman. Those abilities were supplied, were given to me, in those moments of need. Simply put it was grace. Grace from the God that called to me in love, that offered me a free gift of eternal life, that covered my dirty, rancid soul with the perfect, pure, loveliness of His Son. So when God looks at me, even seeing my selfish actions and thoughts, He sees a soul that was washed clean by the sacrifice of His Son. Nothing earned and no fake fronts like a plastered-on smile, but just because of His unhindered love.

So lest I get all big-headed and think that I can continue on by myself, in this sometimes monotonous, daily life I lead, may I remember it's only by His grace that I have this life in the first place.

That I came from dust. And that He makes beautiful things out of dust.