Monday, August 10, 2009

25 wks.

As I sit here, I notice I'm having a braxton hicks contraction. Wasn't sure I was going to start those this early, but I guess, as they say about subsequent pregnancies - you start things earlier with each one. I'd have to look up to see when I started having them with Nathan. Funny thing is I had been having these with Lynn for several weeks but didn't know they were contractions until I was hooked up to a monitor one day (about three weeks before her due date) because I had been spotting (which turned out just being due to having an internal exam earlier that day at the dr.) Anyways, it opened my eyes to what a contraction was. Honestly, because I was induced with both my kiddos, I haven't yet felt what it's like to have contractions get progressively worse and have to go through the traditional "labor" processes of timing them, calling the doctor, deciding when to drive to the hospital, etc. With Nathan, I actually had some rough ones for a period of about 30 minutes one afternoon after work. But, with drinking some water and laying down, they eventually went away. So, for these bhc's I'm just being a good girl with my feet up and slurping down some water.
I feel so run down lately. I haven't been sleeping well at all. Dreams and discomfort keep me from getting what I feel is "restful, quality" sleep. I wake up aching in my hips and my mind still reeling from the ridiculous dreams. There's no pattern to the dreams - some of them have to do with current events in my life, but others are random. Some are disturbing, others are normal events. I feel like I've been pregnant forever. We found out we were preggo with Nathan in Oct. '07, so between his pregnancy, the nine months in between his loss and the beginning of this one, plus these 5/6 months of this one, it's amounting to FOREVER. :) My arms almost ache with a desire to hold my baby. I just keep giving this up to the Lord and pray for His arms around me. He's so faithful and so constant - I can almost feel His hand holding me up sometimes through those periods when my emotions and thoughts run away like that. We have had youth leader and youth events all weekend where we've had three babies in attendance... the three that were born around Nathan's time. So watching them walk, crawl, chatter, splash in the pool have also stirred up thoughts of Nathan more recently. Thoughts of Nathan lead to thoughts of this little man and well, that's where I go and crave holding this little one, alive in my arms. Fifteen weeks to go until his due date. One week at a time, riding on the goodness of my God!

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