Wednesday, February 18, 2009

waiting

Had a great day. One of those that leaves you drained - not physically, but emotionally & actually spiritually as well. I watched my friend's daughter, Molly. Got her about 8am and hugged her goodbye around 5. So, I had a full day of nine month old infant fun :) And, it was. Truly. Joyful, painful, tiring, envious fun. I started our time together this morning by rocking her back to sleep. As I held that sweet child in my arms, I closed by eyes, imagining the feeling of what would have been my Nathan. Molly, being born just a week before losing/delivering Nathan, is my living "virtual" Nathan. As she snuggled up under my chin, sighing contentedly as infants do in sleep, I blinked back the tears that pooled in my eyes. What a sweet glimpse of how life would have been. It was an intimate moment with the Lord, really. I imagined Molly being my Nathan and that caused my heart to cry out to my God, the One who gives and takes away, the One that has given me so much comfort and peace amidst the pain. I prayed for Molly's future, for my future, for my present child and future children. I resisted the urge to fill the silence with radio or tv while rocking in the recliner with the baby and instead let the Lord fill my heart with Him. The rest of the day was the routine of having an infant at the house - feeding, playing, babbling, sleeping. It made me desire the future. As I just read at Complete and Utter Nonsense tonight, I pray up that desire to know the future and remain content to sit in obedience, waiting. Nevertheless, I'm tired now and look forward to sleep. :) ...to waking up tomorrow to a new day, one back in my "real" world, waiting.

1 comment:

Lisa writes... said...

What a bittersweet day. How you must miss him. I am thankful that the Lord fills your emptiness with Himself--He is our comfort and our peace!