I just checked my blog patrol stats and am so, so moved by how many of you are coming over from the babyloss directory. My hearts feels heavy and is burdened for you ladies (and men). I am pausing to pray this very moment for you... I just prayed for YOU, yes, YOU... for your physical recovery, for your emotional pain, for your marriage, for the days ahead which seem right now to be bleak and void of joy. The truth is that the one that created you and created your precious little one is with you. Psalm 139 says that He searches us, He knows us. He knows your pain right now. All of your days and your sweet baby's days were known before we were even created. There is no easy answer to your question of "why?" But there is a solid answer to the question of "how?" How can you get through this? Lean on Him, my friend. Cast your cares, your anger, your grief, your pain, your hurt, your exhaustion, upon God.
He has brought me through my times of hurt, my times of anger, & my times of pure exhaustion. In the beginning, each day seemed to bring a different thought or emotion. But, the amazing thing about having a God that also came in the form of man (Jesus) is that He has experienced all of those same emotions that plague us. He is no stranger to how you are feeling. However, He has the power to help us through them because we cannot do it on our own.
These days I feel different emotions - scared (that I'll forget Nathan), trepidation (over trying again soon for another pregnancy), empty (as I play with my friend's little girl that was born a week before my Nathan), jealousy (as I hear of another friend's pregnancy), and sorrow (as I enter the Christmas season when I should've had a 7 month old to introduce to all of our family traditions but don't). God knows these emotions as well. He hasn't left my side seven months later. He's the same rock as he was in May as He is for me now. I praise Him for that and pray to Him for you.
2 comments:
I've been lurking on this blog for a little while now, and I'm one of the ones who found it through the baby loss directory so I wanted to thank you for your prayers. My son, Noah, was stillborn almost three months ago, on September 16. I was almost 39 weeks along when I went into labor and we discovered there had been an accident with the cord when we arrived at the hospital. Noah was our first child, and my husband and I as well as our families have been devastated by losing him. However, we have clung to our faith and I have had a strong sense of God's presence, even in the moments after the doctor told us there was no heartbeat. So many people have been praying for us, and as a result of the peace and comfort we've received from those prayers, I've realized the incredible power of prayer in a new way. I also recognize that, although God did not save Noah, he did answer prayers that day. Throughout my pregnancy, I prayed for my baby's salvation, and now I will never have to worry about whether or not my son has a relationship with Jesus and will go to heaven. During those nine months, I also prayed our child would have an impacct on God's kingdom, and already Noah's story has touched many hearts and opened doors for us to share more about our faith than we've done before. So, I know God hears our prayers now, and is bringing us comfort, peace and hope in the future, both for our lives here on earth and for the amazing reward of eternity, when we'll finally be with Noah again.
Anyway, I guess that's my long-winded way of introducing myself and saying thank you for your prayers. I appreciate the Christian women who blog so honestly about the experience of difficult loss - reading your words has been comforting in my time of intense grief.
Lindsay
Oh, Lindsay, my heart goes out to you. Your sweet son is dancing in heaven with mine, praising their Creator! What an amazing mom you are - praying for your son's salvation & life impact as he was still in your womb. That's awesome! Thank you for reading and commenting. I am truly humbled that anyone reads my blog. I just know that God has laid women like yourself on my hearts and I feel this may be one teeny way that I can connect with others who have experienced loss. Feel free to email if you'd ever like to talk through emotions or experiences. (inquicksand at gmail dot com)
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