Thursday, December 11, 2008

not see, but seen

My pastor preached on faith this past Sunday. Something he said at the end really stuck with me and I asked him for the full quote and source so that I could share it with y'all:

“The Christian faith enables us to face life or meet death, not because we can see, but with the certainty that we are seen; not that we know all the answers, but that we are known.” – Donner Atwood in the Reformed Review

We are known. Let that sink in. He sees you. He knows you. The author and perfecter of life knows you. Our view of life is so limited. My scope of what is to come is limited to only my imagination. If it were up to me, I'd have an almost-seven month old bouncing on my knee. But, honestly, who am I? Who am I to know anything about what's best for me? You know, I sit and wonder sometimes... if I had carried my second child full term and delivered a healthy baby, I most likely would not have conceived Nathan. That same reasoning leads me to wonder about the next one. As we start to try again in the next few months, who will that next child be? That next child that would not have been tried for had my Nathan been alive. The sky's the limit on my dreaming along those lines. And it really is limitless to what God has in store for my/my childrens' futures. Sometimes we get so caught up in the why's and the what if's, but those are just answers. Then what? If I found out a concrete answer to why Nathan died in my womb, tomorrow would still come, then the next day and the next. Time doesn't stop. An answer would just be that. An answer. What has to fill in the gaps instead is faith. Faith, "being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." I can't see tomorrow, but because I have faith I can go to sleep tonight and wake up with the complete trust that tomorrow will be another day, not necessarily filled with answers but with my faith in the One that sees me, that knows me. And I'm gonna hold onto that.

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