Saturday, March 28, 2009

fearful

My sweet girl had such a hard time falling asleep last night. After praying, tucking her in and kissing her goodnight, she cried out for "mommy." (Boy, doesn't that just pierce your heart - having a little one cry out for you hits directly to that nurturing mommy heart that God designs). I went in to her and curled up next to her. What followed was a tearful discussion of heaven. For some reason she had fears that were hitting her at that moment. She went from "Can I bring my stuffed animal to heaven with me?"... "Are there toys in heaven?"... "What happens to all our stuff here when we go to heaven?"... "I don't ever want to get married. I don't ever want to live apart from you and daddy."... "I want to live with you forever, even when I'm big like you."... "I love you more than the whole wide world, mommy."
She was so keyed up about it all. Honestly, it caused my spirit to become afraid. Did she have some sort of sense she was going to die soon? Why all these questions out of the blue? I didn't know what to do but pray. So I prayed over her, pulling her close beside me. I answered her questions, simplistically, trying to put her fears at ease. I told her she would always have a home with us. That I loved her so very much. She eventually drifted off in my arms. (And is fine this morning... after climbing in our bed for about a half an hour before breakfast). :)
I'm not quite sure what to make of it all. She's been hugging us at random times lately, telling us she loves us. We always reassure her of our love and squeeze her right back. Maybe she needs some more one-on-one time. It's spring break this week for her. On Wednesday, we're traveling to see my parents so that'll be good for some grandma/grandpa-love. I'm thinking I need to take off Mon and Tue and not take on any of my at-home work for the entire week. Maybe some mommy-love time would be a good thing to focus on for the beginning of the week. A little extra TLC.
Lord, for your wisdom I now pray. Help Lynn to feel loved and protected, first by You, but also more tangibly by us. Amen.

1 comment:

Ashley said...

Wow that's a tough one to figure out. You both have been through a lot in the past year. It's amazing how sensitive kids are to spiritual things at this age. Praying with her and over her was such a perfect thing to do. I don't have any advice but just want to encourage you that you are a wonderful mom.