weary

Ever just want to run? I was driving home from work this morning behind a motorcycle and thought, you know, if that were me, I think I'd just keep on driving. The wind, the sun, the pseudo feeling of freedom. I'd be able to run... run from the tears that spill out at random times more & more these days, run from the numbness that threatens to take me over, run from sarcasm that ruins relationships, from sad news of another friend's possible miscarriage, from the hard work & responsibility of raising a child God's way, from the list of fifteen phone calls to make when I don't want to talk to anyone right now, from a bank account that pretty much stays at zero, from painful periods that remind me of my empty womb, from the role of youth pastor's wife...
My version of motorcycle freedom was cranking up the radio, where God spoke to me through song...
Though I can't see my stories ending
That doesn't mean the dark night has no end
It's only here that I find faith
And learn to trust the one who writes my days
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night
(from Barlow Girl's "I Believe in Love")
Thanks, Father God, for writing my days, even when I just feel numbness, pain, & silence. It's on those days that I know you're holding me up and giving me strength so that I don't run.
Psalm 119:28