Friday, September 19, 2008

spiritual gifts, windshields, & baby loss

(Ok, I just reread this and it's all over the place. Hang with me, maybe there's a point somewhere? Thanks).

So. How do you convince your hubby that our family's not "always at the bottom" or "down on our luck" (*if we believed in luck, which we don't)? One of my spiritual gifts is the gift of encouragement, or exhortation, however did I know that I would be called upon daily to use this in my own home, I might have asked for another. (just kidding) (sorta). All husbands need their wife's encouragement, whether that's their spiritual gift or not. I think that's where our God-given sense of nurturing comes in to play as well. Men need to know they're needed by their wife and that we think they are the greatest!
This convincing comes up as we just got a rock into our windshield of our new (had it for exactly one week) car yesterday. As I was driving back from work. Of course. The work in which I only worked 8 hours this week, so I didn't even work enough hours to pay for a replacement windshield - errr. About five yrs. ago, when we got a new windshield for another car, it was only about $105, but man, I called around yesterday and the best price is $200 (with quotes all the way up to $440!)! The "new" car (a 2000 Volvo V70 with 143K miles on it) is also back at the dealer today because we noticed a shaking in the steering wheel when we bought it, so they're taking it back in to fix it (on their dime!) "Only us," he says. "Why does everyone else get the good stuff and we crack a new car windshield in a week, ..., lose a baby" (ahhh, I see now). You know, it's amazing. This grief thing. I read so many other baby-loss blogs and ride the waves of grief with them. I think something that's common through all of them is that the loss hits you, again and again, on random days for random reasons. Our loss will never be gone. A used car will never go back to being new. It's impossible. Once the new-car smell is gone, it's gone. Well, except for that gross imitation spray of course ;-) But, even with that there's a metaphor. We can try and cover up our grief, but it's still there. We can paint a mask over our face, but in our hearts, there's still a hole. I do believe that God is slowly filling up my hole with His love. Where once there was a gaping big hole, God has injected a bit of His love and peace. While it may get smaller, it's still a repaired wound and will have an impact on me forever. And on my hubby. So, while for now, it may seem we're "on the bottom" I know that one day, I'll be with the one whose status is higher than any other! (Where my son is now!)

1 comment:

HDMac said...

First of all, HugS!

Life has it's cycles... and God never promises ONLY good things to us, He promises that ALL things are FOR the good, to those called according to HIS purpose.......Grieving is not an easy thing... and in the case of losing a child whether you held that child or not, there is a crater in our hearts the size of the universe! And yesterday, today, tomorrow, 10, 15 20 years from now, you will still be feeling that grief to SOME degree....and sometimes things do get piled up on each other and seem to be more than we can bear at the moment... things come into our lives that we thought we could NEVER deal with and we realize, we COULDN'T but WITH God we CAN! You keep encouraging him and God will give you the words and actions......

I have to say that I too, understand the domino effect in our lives.. DH is out on strike right now.. (NOT a good thing), my hours have been cut down down from 40 to 20 hours due to economy and money is becoming a very major issue. The other night after we had just finished dinner, we heard a sound from the kitchen.. not the dog, he was at our feet... the fridge decided to on it's own, turn on the water dispenser, dumping water all over the kitchen floor.. we quickly got it cleaned up ... 2 days later the dishwasher decided to leak and cause problems (the appliances are about 18 years old so it is getting time to replace them!)...and it is rough right now .. knowing we can do nothing... we already had to fix a problem with the car... DH's personality is probably like your dear hubbys... he is down.... and it is difficult for him to remember that GOD is in control.. that HE will take care of uss... It is easy to say "Why me???" in the storm of life....Guess we need to add "What do you want me to learn and share from this?" :)

I SO love your blog.. and love your sharing... I bet that you have no real idea of the people that you touch and encourage by sharing as you do. :) I know that reading your "journals" encourages me!

Lifting you and your precious family up in prayer!

In Christ,