balance

The kids are screaming, ready to get out of the tub. The house is a mess. Christmas decorations still sit in the middle of my living room in boxes to be unpacked. The load of laundry in the dryer is continuing to toss every few minutes, having now made it to the "fluff" part of the cycle, but waiting for me to unload it. Half of dinner has been thought out and is in the works, but no clue on the veggies to go with the meat. I have been up to my ears in photography. Just one more session to finish up.

Good problems to have... this means I have a growing business and my continued blessings of a place to live and a family to love. However, it means that I have been very obviously absent here on the blog.

Oh, how to balance... that is the question ;)

What has everyone else been up to lately?

mild fall

This warm weather sure is making this a mild fall... and I confess, I like it! :) I've had several photo sessions lately, with two more next week. The milder temperatures make it easier on my clients, as not many people want to wear outerwear for their photos (although I love a good photo of people all bundled up with hats and scarves - the layers add such dimension and color). 

Not sure what your plans are for Thanksgiving, but I want to wish you a happy holiday weekend! I am going to take some time to celebrate with family, so my time online will be sparse. I'll catch back up with you next week and maybe share a recipe from the weekend that got rave reviews. Always fun to see how the meal comes together with everyone's contributions :)

Caring for Orphans

To wrap up my mini "series" on adoption, I wanted to embed a trailer for a documentary film about adoption.


Rescued: The Heart of Adoption and Caring for Orphans - Trailer from Rescued The Movie on Vimeo.

A couple of things that stood out to me:
-Every 18 seconds, around the world, a child becomes an orphan. When the church leaves their care up to the state, we are missing out on impacting their lives for the gospel of Christ.
-God doesn't say natural born children are a blessing from the Lord, but children.
-Not everyone is called to adopt, but we are called to help.
-James 1:27 defines pure religion as one that takes care of orphans and widows.

For more information on adopting, I would direct you to Show Hope's "How to Adopt" website. A known, reputable non-profit organization (associated with adoptive parent and singer/songwriter, Steven Curtis Chapman), Show Hope, is a good place to start. If you prefer just to donate financially, they offer a variety of ways that can be done as well. If you are sitting there like me and think, what else can I do? They answer that question as well.

Open up your heart and mind. God might just be whispering something to your heart. Could you have room in your family for another child?

adoptive families in action

I have several in-real-life friends that have adopted children into their families. One of these lives in our town and our husbands are friends, both involved in youth ministry. They adopted 2 babies from the Congo. I had the opportunity to take photos of each of their "gotcha days" - the day they arrived home, just off of the airplane with their new mom and dad. I later then took photos of the siblings and even looking at those photos now, I think, "There is the definition of family. There is the definition of caring for orphans." The meaning of family surpasses blood and skin color, it goes much deeper than that. When I look at these families, I am reminded of that.

The journey of adoption is never "pretty." One couple, unable to have children of their own, adopted a little girl from the US, and have now been waiting four years for an opportunity for a son. They just got word that they have been selected as parents for a baby boy, due the end of next month. I am beyond thrilled for her family. There is a big sister that is so ready to have a brother!

Another family's adoption story I have followed online. A youth pastor and his wife, with three natural born boys of their own, felt the call to adopt. In God's amazing timing, two baby girl twins practically "fell" into their family. (Although the actual process was much more complicated). Ashley's also given us a glimpse of real-life, sharing that the addition of two more (girls were 1 yrs old when they moved in with them) isn't always easy. It's been hard on the girls to adjust to their new family and the big brothers have had slight challenges of their own as well.

I am blessed to have these families as my friends. They have displayed obedience, in action, to God's call to take care of widows and orphans (James 1:27). They remind me that I need to do my part as well.

By the way, today is officially National Adoption Day. If you have had any thoughts regarding adoption, I encourage you to stay in prayer about it, but also to find another family that has been there and start to discuss the idea, whether international or in-country.

Have you left a comment on my giveaway post? I am extending the contest until Monday, Nov 21st. Click here to see details!

this and that... babies

Shew. Little man fought nap today, so after giving him a few books, to no avail, I finally scooped him up and carried him to cuddle in the recliner with me. Curious George was on, so I turned on the tv, and promptly fell asleep, while he continued to be awake! Crazy kid. He turned two this weekend, so he better not be getting any big ideas on skipping naptime now.
Funny how life goes like that. Kids grow up. They change. We change to keep up/accommodate.
On the subject of children, I just found out that two of my close friends are now expecting babies, after both suffering miscarriages. I am so excited for them, and turn to God as I also fear for them, keeping my hope in a God that is sovereign that they don't have to face loss again. I also just received an email from a support group that I volunteer for, that there's a mom needing a support parent who just delivered a stillborn child at 41 weeks. I'm transported back to our weeks following our stillbirth loss and again turn to that same God that is in control over the loss as well as the new lives.

We are just wired as women for nurturing and motherhood and I think that's why losses and struggles with infertility hurt so much. I know for me, as weird as it sounds to type, I almost felt a disconnect with my body after we lost Nathan. Oh it had done a fantastic job carrying him to term. All of my pregnancies have been "perfect" with very little symptoms other than some of the smaller, pesky things like nosebleeds, some heartburn, and discomfort sleeping. But after it had failed to give me my baby, failed to sustain life until he was delivered, it was almost like I didn't know who it/I was anymore. I needed those following few months to get "my" body back, to re-trust it almost, before I felt ok with trying for another child. The Lord, in His graciousness, allowed my body to carry another full-term, and deliver a healthy, alive baby. My body had done what I expected it to. I guess we're friends again :) No, but in all seriousness, it was different. That disappointment in my body. That disconnect from who I thought I was versus what it was doing/had done.

I know that some of you are suffering from that disconnect. Your heart is crying out c'mon body, work like you're supposed to! To those, I wish I could squeeze you in a big hug this moment... you and your body.

what if?

On the heels of writing my "what to be" post from yesterday, I just read about the Duggar's announcement of baby number 20. First thoughts? "Wow." "Really?" "Ok..." & then a gentle whisper of, "What if?"
Not what if I had 20, but what if I had one more? My husband would have another. I am not quite so sure. But, honestly, what is determining that for me? Is it my selfish desires of being ready for a quiet house during the day? That it's just hard work raising children? Is it just practical reasoning that if the next one's a girl, she's got no where to sleep, as her then 9+ year old sister can't really share her room with such a young sibling? I guess whatever the reasoning, I need to get to the heart of it, reflect, and take it to the Lord.

Some posts I have been digesting lately come from the Desiring God website blog. Both are authored by Rachel Jancovic. I believe I also referenced another article of hers here.

In an article addressing seeing our children as a mission field, she writes:

But I’d like to challenge you to look at it differently. Giving up what you cannot keep does not mean giving up your home, or your job so you can go serve somewhere else. It is giving up yourself. Lay yourself down. Sacrifice yourself here, now. Cheerfully wipe the nose for the fiftieth time today. Make dinner again for the people who don’t like the green beans. Laugh when your plans are thwarted by a vomiting child. Lay yourself down for the people here with you, the people who annoy you, the people who get in your way, the people who take up so much of your time that you can’t read anymore. Rejoice in them. Sacrifice for them. Gain that which you cannot lose in them.

Sacrifice. Laying self down. Hard things to digest, even when done for our own offspring.

Here is a section from a second article, regarding motherhood being all about the "transformations" and "application" of the Gospel through those...

Mothering is a job that is full of difficult moments. Diapers blow out in stores when you have too much in your cart to just walk out. Sudden carsickness can leave you pulled over on the side of the road wondering just how much can be done with half a bag of wet wipes. You need to take what you believe and apply it to these difficult moments. Does the Bible teach us that God is disgusted by our frailty? That he doesn’t want to carry our burdens? That he doesn’t have the energy to deal with us?
The good news is, you don’t need to have been through some elite mother’s training camp to apply the gospel in your life. You need to believe. Trust God, give thanks. Laugh. Believe — and that will feed your children. Rest in God, and your children will learn to. Extend God’s kindness to you, to them. Forgive them the way God forgave you. You have everything you need to spiritually nourish your children, because you have Christ.
The gospel is not just something to talk about Sunday morning while you are in clean clothes and the kids are looking orderly. It is not limited to quiet times and reflective moods. It is something to apply while you are in a difficult position in the back of the car trying to buckle a child up who is playing the kazoo and needs their nose wiped.
God is not above these moments. He is teaching us, and leading us, and refining us, in them. He wants to see our faith in action. He wants to see us feeding our children with the grace that he has given to us.

So what is my view of motherhood? Do I see myself as an important player in this thing called life? Do I see that my children are my mission field, my focus, when it comes to teaching the Gospel? Do I really and truly even act as if the Gospel is my purpose and reason for living in the first place? Heavy stuff, this heart-introspection. 

what to "be"

I stole a few moments of extra nuzzling before nap today and as I sit down to write this, my heart is just overflowing with love for my son. He didn't do anything out of the ordinary, didn't give me any extra squeezes before laying him down for nap, but he is just who he is. My son. Given to me by God, temporarily, to raise, alongside my husband.

When I think of the struggles my son (& my daughter!) might one day face, living in this fallen world, my heart seizes up and my almost trips over itself (if it could) streaming out prayer to God for their souls and their purity. The days that I forget what a place I have in my children's lives, God gently reminds me.

I have several working (some p/t, some f/t) friends who share, almost secretly and ashamedly, that their heart's desire is just to stay at home with their children daily. In a conversation just this weekend, I said, "And that would be ok. In fact, it was God Himself who put those desires there. That is what He planned for you to do." Society tells women, like my friend, pursue a career. She is actually working on a bachelor's degree right now. She's a wife, a mom, and a part-time working woman in addition to this. When questioned by her husband why she wants to continue to pursue her education when she ultimately wants to stay at home, she answers that she can use it with their children. She confessed that she used to be career-focused, but now that she's got a three year old that she drops off for childcare three days a week, she's realizing that career isn't the most important thing to her any more.

I remember during my senior year in college, I was in a panic that I didn't know what I wanted to "be" after graduation. Oh, I had completed all the requirements for a major (psychology) and a minor (human resource management), but I thought I needed to pick a career title as my ultimate goal. As it was, I had also taken all the classes beside "Elementary School Methods" for a teaching certificate in addition to my major/minor when I decided that wasn't what I wanted to do. When senior year got here, I was giddily planning a wedding without much thought to the career I'd hold after marriage. But when it came down to applying to positions at businesses in the town where we'd live, I became breathless with fear. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I was going to be a wife. Wasn't that enough? The job would come along. Or wouldn't it? I became panicked and began looking at graduate schools in the area instead of jobs. Maybe I needed more specializing before I picked a lifetime career. The Lord finally spoke to me that my "title" just needed to be His child and that my fear was ill placed. I went on to get married and obtain a position within the Human Resources field. Not quite so "coincidentally" my position had to be pulled back to part time while I was pregnant with our first child, after we had decided I would stay at home with the baby (even with hubs completing seminary).

Almost eleven years later, I have had a handful of part time positions at different locations/stages in our marriage. During those times, my mother (when we lived with them for six months) or my husband were caretakers for Lynn. Blessedly, we are (still) learning the best ways to live and manage what we have to allow me to continue to be home for the, now two, children.

I still have doubts on whether we can do it. I still have little nags that I need to be using my degree "for something." I still wonder if this is "all" I have been called to do right now. Mercifully, instead of pursuing work outside the home, my husband stays consistent with his encouragement and desire for me to be home and God brings me into conversation and counsel with yet another working friend who misses raising her children.

There's to be no shame in wanting to stay home to raise your child(ren).

On this topic, I found my way to the blog Femina, where Nancy Ann writes:

At the end of the day, it’s not prestige and a paycheck that rise up to call you blessed. Those things burn up. The things that last, the eternal things, have fat faces and messy hands.
Christian women must be counter-cultural and think like women of faith who take the Bible seriously and don’t mind who knows it. The flesh is weak, but God gives more faith.  Cultural cliches come and go, but God’s Word remains our standard and authority for life.
This means that Christian women must accept the fact that God has designed them for a set purpose. Eve was created because Adam needed a helper. He was no good without her. A man needs a woman to accomplish all God is calling him to do. She is his glory. She is his crown. There’s no need to feel apologetic about being a crown and a glory. What an absurd idea!
So, young women, get yourself an education. Learn all you can because you’re going to need it. You want to be one efficient, brilliant helper so this guy you married can get it done. He needs a home and he needs a family and you are the means God has appointed to bring this amazing thing about. What a delight and privilege our calling is.
Are there exceptions? Always. But there is also a norm. Don’t be afraid of embracing the norm of God’s design. It is good.

camping

Lynn was off from school last Thursday and Friday. We figured we'd make use of the extra long weekend and finally take that family camping trip we've been aiming for all summer. My hubby and daughter went camping one weekend this summer and then my hubby, with both kids, joined my inlaws for a camping weekend earlier this fall, but so far this year we hadn't camped as just a family of four.

So we booked a site about a month in advance, hubs requested off work, and we compiled a packing list, including planning for meals. Thursday arrives and it's a beautiful almost-70 degrees! With cooler temperatures forecasted for the rest of the week, we still remained optimistic as we loaded our bags (appropriately full of long-sleeves and layers) in our short-sleeved tee's. We get to the site a little later than we had hoped, but got everything set up in daylight. The site itself was beautiful! [If you are looking to camp in North Carolina, be surrounded by trees and water, with beautiful hiking and mountain biking trails accessible from the campground, drop me an email and I'll recommend the place for you.] Zane and Lynn had a blast finding some fallen branches to store up for future kindling. We felt secluded but were within in an easy few steps away from the car (kept our food in the car).

I don't know if you've been camping with young children, but Zane would just not settle down in his sleeping bag. Lynn was hyper-excited as well, which did not help him to chill and fall asleep. Finally I crawled into the bag with Zane and cozied up to Lynn, helping the two of them finally conk out. A few hours later I awake with half of myself out of the sleeping bag, practically frozen. I grab a few blankets, make sure the kids are tucked under and then go back to sleep. A few more hours later I awaken to the sound of pouring down rain. Brrr... again, I snuggle back down. (Mr. H is across the tent "snug as a bug" in his warm sleeping bag, oblivious ;)

Anyways, another few hours later, the kids are awake and UP. For good. It's still pouring down rain outside and not a degree above 40. We pile on layers, including rain jackets, never quite been tested like this before, and run under the cover to warm up some hot water for oatmeal and coffee.  

After trying to corral an almost-2 year old under the covering, we give up, and let him get wet. Still very cold outside, we eventually decide that it'd be best to take Zane in the tent, put him in dry clothes and just try and hang out inside to see if he'd take a nap. Again, corralling a 2 yr old in a tent... not fun. We play cars and some other toys, but it becomes clear he is not interested in napping.

So, what do you do when all else fails? We loaded up in the car, went to a local Chick-Fil-A and let the kids climb in the playplace! Some hot coffee and good chicken later, my hubby and I had decided that for our family's health, we'd just pack up and head home. The lows were expected to reach 35 that evening, with the rain continuing until about noon the next day. Even after the rain stopped, I figured the mud would be gross.

Bummer. Our 4 day camping trip had just dissolved down to 2. So, we headed back to the site, folded up the soaked tent in the pouring rain and loaded everything else back into the car. We made it home for a late dinner that evening, after driving around to take a few photos of the area. The rain made the colors so beautifully saturated.

The next day (Saturday) we were able to spread everything out to dry, as we eventually had sun (along with some high winds!). 

Not wanting our smore supplies to go to waste, we lit a fire in our fireplace and made smores at home! Yum, yum!

All in all, not quite what we expected, but we still enjoyed the time together, just a lot more dry and warm!

[day 7] testing

My quiet time today finished out Acts 21. In this chapter, Paul has finished several missionary journeys and headed back to Jerusalem, where, what else but more persecution, awaits. The synopsis in the book I am using as a guide says, "Faith is not faith until it is tested." Paul's faith seemed to get stronger and stronger through every imprisonment and beating.

I introspectively turned to consider my life... it wasn't outside persecution, but my faith was tested when we lost Nathan. The very title I held, mother, was compromised. I still had Lynn, yes, but by losing my son, it was also a hit on the "job" I held, part of my identity.
My husband, close to two years ago (20 mos after losing Nathan), very similarly has his faith tested when he lost his job. He had to recheck his identity and his purpose when his title was taken from him.
This morning it hit me, as we have described these two losses as something very different in our lives. But honestly I think the trials were more similar than we've thought.

These trials as they were, have demanded actions of faith from us. Well, let me rephrase that. They have given us opportunity to display our faith. Would we continue to declare the truth - with our actions and words? We could have used these loses as excuses. Excuses to turn to find fulfillment elsewhere, excuses to turn our backs on God. Don't get me wrong, I am far far from perfect. At times we did turn elsewhere. We looked to find comfort in earthly things... past times like shopping, work, or internet surfing... emotions like deep sadness or anger (not that these emotions themselves are wrong, but by lingering in them or actions were un-Christlike in consequence)... relying solely on other people like friends, spouses, or characters in a book.

Kay Arthur writes this end-of-the-week synopsis in my study book:

Are we going to turn back, to not declare truth if it costs us our freedom? [or for us, our "perceived identity," as our persecutions were not physically restricting.] How dare we! How will we never face our Lord without shame? How will we look Paul [main 'character' in Acts, amazing enemy-turned-follower of Christ] in the face in our eternity, when he was our example of what it meant to be a follower of our Lord?

Shame. Yikes. That's the last thing I want to feel when I face my Lord at the moment of my death. I long for His embrace as a faithful servant. In the hard times and the easy.

Kind of a deep subject today. 
I don't know if you are facing trials today or not, but may I encourage you to fight the good fight of the faith. Don't let what might be a very real excuse, keep you from the Savior.

[day 5] sending a card

Putting off writing a card to an acquaintance today. We've never met in person, just spoken once over the phone. We were brought together by our mutual experience over losing a full-term baby during pregnancy (& now, for her, a mutual experience of being subsequently pregnant!). Since that call, we had a miscommunication (maybe?) over plans for meeting in person and then two un-returned phone calls made to her since then. I have a card sitting right here but for some reason I just keep making excuses to write in it and send it. I've got to get it out in the mailbox before the mailman comes this afternoon.

I generally really enjoy sending cards. While I am on the computer throughout the day and keep my email up, there's something about receiving an actual card in the mail that can't be duplicated via the computer. I love it, especially when the sender has taken time to write a longer letter or note inside. I guess it's because I love to receive them that I like to send them as well.

Birthdays, wedding anniversaries, and losing a loved one are all natural occasions to send cards, but what about a note to encourage another? Have you ever sent a card just because?

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Imagine. reflections.

This past weekend, if you were following me on Twitter, you received more tweets per day than my usual pattern. For that I do not apologize, but instead explain...

I was at the Women of Faith conference. After receiving two complimentary tickets courtesy of Women of Faith and the Booksneeze program, I promptly invited my mom and we secured a hotel room. Girls weekend!

Throughout the weekend we heard from many great speakers, including a comedian, a dramatist, and two contemporary Christian artists.

I was challenged by Dr. Henry Cloud to be a giver (serve others, genuinely) and to be connected (to God and friends). It's in these things that we will find satisfaction in life.

Sheila Walsh, in her delightful Scottish accent, made me pause to consider my definition of "peace" when she stated that peace is a person's total well-being and security because of Christ's presence. Especially during my experience and grief-walk of losing Nathan, I would agree with that wholeheartedly.
Sheila spoke about shepherds and our ultimate Shepherd, God. I love when she said that the cross is the ultimate statement that we'll never get it right, but that we don't have to. It's not our job (as a sheep) to get ourselves home, just our responsibility to stay as close to the Shepherd (God) as possible. If we think we can ever obtain perfection, we're wrong. If that's what we are striving for, in order to somehow "earn" heaven, then God would not have had to lovingly send a Savior for us. We can honor Him with our actions for sure, but we can't "wow" our way into His presence.

Nicole Johnson, after leaving my sides hurting with her comical (accurate) portrayal of all the hats we women wear, took a turn addressing the crowd and shared from her heart as well. She made me consider how quickly anger becomes a byproduct from fear, frustration, and hurt. Sometimes we need to stop and evaluate the root of anger, as we can take it out on our children, family, etc. We need to address the heart of the issue.

It was a great delight to hear one of my favorite authors on stage. Karen Kingsbury reminded us who the true Author of our story is... and then proceeded to make me cry with her beautiful children's book, Let Me Hold You Longer. I wanted to go grab my children and squeeze them tight.

I also really enjoyed the praise and worship time of the conference, mixed in amongst the speakers. I enjoy songs and lyrics and singing. As I've grown in my relationship with Christ, I've really come to appreciate singing/ song lyrics as a way to express my adoration to Him. As I had mentioned in a tweet during the weekend, it was beautiful to see the thousands of women sway and sing together, praising God in song.

All in all, this was a wonderful weekend. Beyond the speakers and singing, the ultimate best was just having the time with my mom. We were real with each other and probably shared "deeper" stuff than we ever have. Truly precious.
It also didn't hurt to have my hubby ask how I could possibly get anything done around here other than feeding and cleaning up after the kids - that he could never be a mom. ;) 

rug dirt

You know how when you ignore something and you hope it'll go away? Only one day it just blows up in your face? I'm feeling a little stomped on and beaten down today. Circumstances around me, but ones that I am intricately a part of, just kinda exploded last night. The details aren't critical to share but I'm having a hard time recovering. It'd be easy to just sweep it under the rug, but unfortunately the rug is so dusty underneath, it's just coming out other side anyways. (To keep with the analogy...) what I need to do is pick up the rug and shake it out. Only the rug is really really heavy and it's not easy to lift. It's gonna take work hauling it outside so that it can be shaken clean. Quite frankly, I'd rather just hide that rug with a nice little table and chair, and then sit in that chair drinking a nice cup of hot tea.

women, wives, & encouragement

Women. Attending several women and mom events at our new church as allowed me to plug in and become a part of a group of women again. It feels so wonderful to be surrounded with other ladies chasing after God, struggling with the days of drudgery and stumbling on rocks in the path of that journey. I guess a gal just needs to know she's not alone, and then more importantly, to be taught, encouraged, and even rebuked by older women that make up these groups as well.

This morning, there was a women's brunch to showcase some of ministries in the church that ladies specifically can get plugged into to serve. The event itself was fantastic, well thought out and orchestrated. What came as a surprise to me was what I was thinking as several of the pastors' wives got up to speak and share some of their story. I felt burdened for them. I began to pray for them as they spoke. I had a desire to recognize and appreciate them, as a person, not a title. A (new) friend of mine turned to me in awe after the senior pastor's wife stopped to introduce herself and chat with us for a bit this morning (we both have only been in the church for about 2 mos and hadn't yet met her in person).
I guess I know the other side. I appreciated my friend's respect for her because of her position, but I know she's far from perfection, as am I.
I don't really know where I'm going with all this. I guess I just felt impressed upon the need to encourage the pastor's wives where we are now attending. My heart actually craved for sharing life with them. It was kinda odd; I haven't felt a pull to be vocationally serving in the church yet again, so I don't know if I just fleshily wanted to be a part of "their" crowd or if it was God starting to stir my heart again towards supporting my husband in vocational ministry.   

In the meantime... I think I'll go write them each a short note of thanks for sharing their stories on Saturday. If you attend church, make an effort to smile or give a hug to your pastor's wife this weekend.

HAVE

I hate it when the numbers don't add up. When the expenses column out measures the income column. When it doesn't seem possible to refrain from spending as each new thing comes up. There have been too many month's ends we don't know how it happened (except by the hand of God) but somehow there's still food on the table and a roof over our heads. I know that the words "don't have enough" are relative. Even some six-figure wage earners probably have used that phrase more than once. I have been struggling lately though with not having "enough." I have wallowed in the sinful world of "it's not fair" too much this week. I've put unnecessary stress on my husband, even if he didn't know why, from simply having a bad attitude. I've been wrong.
But I'm having a hard time getting up, fighting what Satan is using to distract me from all that God has blessed me with.

So, what comes next is a list. I must re-shift my focus. A list to remind me of the haves and not the we can't get right nows. So, "acroynmically" speaking...

I am blessed because I -
H - a home; the four walls + a roof but more importantly the members of my family within it

A - availability; I am at home with the children right now. I have the priviledge of being available to them or my husband, to serve them & to love them

V - very little health concerns; all of us are physically well and whole

E - eternal life; upon death, I have the promise of heaven


I must focus on all that I have and even better, beyond that inward facing thought, what I can give out of that which I do have.

new but not known

We have been visiting a new church, looking for a congregation we can be a part of and serve in. We thought the potluck dinner this past Sunday (prior to the concert of praise time) would be a fun, social-activity way to meet/see some more people at the church. It was, but at the same time it brought up an awkwardness, not necessarily new to us at all, but yet a little different
It's just plain hard being the "new kid."

As a pastor and wife, we have been in new churches, shaking tons of hands, learning new names and faces, feeling overwhelmed at the sheer volume of "newness" that we had to navigate through. What was different this weekend, was being new, but not being known. When my husband has been voted in to be on staff at a church, the congregation knows who we are and wants to personally get to know us, and will come out of their way to introduce themselves to us.

At the potluck the other night, in the beginning, we felt invisible. Well, maybe not so much invisible as unseen. We found a table, getting our pick of the bunch because everyone was already in line. But, that meant we couldn't be adventurous and approach a table with four empty spots because we didn't know just how many were taken at a table, etc. That and we're just not that forthright, I guess. So, we juggled our toddler (who wanted nothing more than cookies to eat and to run around wild - that got us noticed, lol) and eventually all landed at the table with food. Through the course of the evening, waiting in line, and then walking to the worship time in the sanctuary, we were approached by some people who introduced themselves and asked about us. So, I don't want to make it out like the church was unfriendly, but it was just a sad, familiar feeling, not knowing anyone.

How do you handle being "new"? Would you rather approach people or have them approach you?

raw, pure worship

Had such a beautiful, powerful, real, and almost raw time of worship tonight. The church we've been visiting had a potluck supper and a "concert of praise and prayer" tonight. They don't typically have Sunday night activities, so this was something special scheduled.
Music is a powerful tool of worship for me. Obviously, it has the ability to sway emotions, but for me, it's the lyrics that have that power. I just can't sing what I don't mean - or if I am just "going along" with it, I feel so convicted and God breaks down those walls that I've built up.

This morning, I came to worship feeling discouraged and a little down. The selection of songs, along with the pastor's message, righted my perspective. This evening, Satan used those same defeating thoughts from earlier and wanted me to sink into a funk, but the Spirit took mercy on me and the time of song and prayer was just crazy powerful. The last song... Revelation Song was like we were singing at the throne of God Himself. Shew. It was a weird mix of emotions - I wanted to shout, cry, and dance in excitement, all the while singing the song to God with all that was in me. [I am a pretty reserved gal. I will throw a hand up every now and then when I get to singing words that are coming straight from the heart. Or maybe close my eyes to sing so that I'm not distracted, but anyways, this mix of pure worshipful emotion was powerful.]

I guess I don't really know why I'm sharing this, except just to let down some walls and continue to try and be real with yall. Half the time I walk around thinking I've got it all together when honestly I'm a mess. A mess that just needs the ability to lay it all down and worship the One who has, knows, and is all.

siblings

Having a little creativity block...
which means I find myself at Pinterest looking at others' ideas and creativity. I get lost in the "pretties" - from clever crafty ideas to beautiful places around the world. Anyway, I already posted on Pinterest, so I won't go down that rabbit trail ;)
Sooo...
School's been in for a solid week now. I think we've transitioned into the new routine and have found our "groove" for the mornings and afternoons. Mr. H is still able to take Lynn to school (thanks to his work allowing him to shift his hours) and I handle the homework "un-happy" hours after school ;)
I really did have a good summer with both kids at home. I felt like the time was terrific with each of them - Lynn and I bonded over reading together. Each night we curled up on the couch together and read our own books next to each other. As a bookworm myself, it has been a-m-a-z-i-n-g to see that love of reading take off this summer! Last year, it was like twisting her arm to convince her to try something longer than a children's storybook. This summer, she's now gotten hooked on The Boxcar Children series as well as the American Girl series' and (an easier read) the Rainbow Magic series' which feature fairies (the only hang-over from the days of Disney princesses: Tinkerbell & "fairies"). I enjoy hearing about the plots and getting to discuss the characters and little details that excite her about the story.
Zane has not stopped growing, learning or talking. It surprises me each day what he words and concepts he is repeating and just independently talking about. Maybe it's just more of that younger sibling stuff, but he seems to be making leaps and bounds faster than I remember with Lynn. He is one smart little dude. Or very observant anyways ;)

I'm not sure if any of you moms that have a significant gap between your children would agree, but for us Zane has just been this breath of fresh air. Lynn is such a serious kid and has always just been prone to challenging us, negotiating everything, and has a definite opinion on how something should be done. Maybe that's just a lot of typical stuff for first-borns (especially as the child of two first-borns as parents!), but in comparison Zane is sooo laid back and funny. He will make funny faces and expressions that he knows makes us chuckle and then giggle along with us. I know a lot of what we find so irresistibly adorable is probably just having a toddler around, when it's been six years since Lynn was there, but underneath it all, he has a totally different personality that I am so excited to see how will develop and be used by God. Zane is a tangible reminder that God remembers us and is so gracious to give us what we don't deserve. To allow us to have Zane after losing Nathan was pure grace. And we are so grateful. I am thankful for both of my children. Their differences (and their similarities) make them excellent siblings and such amazing blessings to us.

to "pin" or not to "pin?"

Initial thoughts about Pinterest, before I joined... I figured it'd just be another social media time "waster." So I resisted. Didn't even go over to the site. Didn't want to be drawn in. Well, that was all well and good... until Lynn was at VBS, the hubs had Zane out on an errand, and the meeting I had been committed to suddenly got cancelled. Enter in that amazing thing called "time." Could I have completed a chore around the house? Yes. Could I have sat and read a book? Yes. Could I have typed out some wonderful post for the blog? Double Yes. But... I just got curious.

Well, curiosity led to asking a twitter friend to pass along an invite and wouldn't you know it, I very quickly had 10 boards on Pinterest to which I was "pinning" all sorts of things.



































My hubby and another friend wanted to know what the "point" of Pinterest was... my initial answer would have been, "it's the new bookmarking." But now that I am a "pinner," I'd have to say it's more than that. It's an avenue for dreaming, for imagining, for finding inspiration, for being allowed to pin things just because they're "pretty." On the more sensible side of things, it can also be used to pin recipes or crafts to make, places to visit, tutorials to read/watch. Pinning them keeps them all in one place - visible.

As with all things internet, set a timer, then allow yourself a certain amount of time to just start looking... and pinning :) At this time, you need an invitation to get in. Email me or leave a comment if you'd like one.

transportation

The kids and I went to my parents for a few days in late July and I had the opportunity to pull out my camera for more than just a few family shots. I've been lackadaisical about taking photographs this summer. My interest hasn't waned, but I just haven't looked for or taken the opportunities to get out and shoot.


I guess, in the past, I had put pressure on myself to "decide" what I'm going to do with photography instead of just purely enjoying it as a hobby and therefore I've almost ended up avoiding it all together. Crazy.

So, when we decided to go to a transportation museum, I got all giddy over what I could photograph. :) No planes, but plenty of trains and automobiles... and a fire truck and old tractor :)

A little bit random in the selection and processing, but I was having fun with my old friend, Lightroom and some random jazz music through iTunes, after the kids were in bed earlier this week.

motherhood

Wow. I see that my last post was almost 3 weeks ago. The delay was not intentional, but instead the blog took a backseat to priorities that needed to come first.

I began the summer dreading it. Selfishly, I was not ready to have both children home. I had carved out this nice little "me" routine with my one year old still occasionally taking two naps a day. Enter the summer. God knocked me over the head with the 2x4 that it takes sometimes and I realized the opportunity that I had. I could either hold a grudge (towards God? my kids? my hubby? I dunno) and make each day a drudgery or I could see it as a chance to pour into my children, having both in my care all day, each day. I prayed for God's help, and to the best of my ability, I aimed for the second.

Here we are two weeks from the start of school and I honestly don't have many regrets about the time I've had this summer. We mixed in some trips to the grandparents, two vacation Bible schools and an art camp, family hikes, playdates, and just good ole fashioned sprinkler playtime along with weekly trips to the library and park (well, back before it turned so hot). TV was limited and playing together was mandatory. My daughter and I have read a TON this summer. I am so proud of Lynn. She has really taken off with a love of reading. She had a reading incentive program for school this summer and she has bounded over the suggested weekly minute totals. I wish I could say the same for her math facts skills, but we'll have to continue to work on that for the next few weeks as well.

I read an article on motherhood as a calling by Rachel Jankovic (from the desiring God website) that really hit home for me. How was I viewing motherhood? This article is a good synopsis of all that God has been reminding me of as I choose them over my selfish endeavors (& time wasters) this summer.

Jankovic writes -

If you grew up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood, to think like a free Christian woman about your life, your children. How much have we listened to partial truths and half lies? Do we believe that we want children because there is some biological urge, or the phantom “baby itch”? Are we really in this because of cute little clothes and photo opportunities? Is motherhood a rock-bottom job for those who can’t do more, or those who are satisfied with drudgery? If so, what were we thinking?

......

Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.

Christian mothers carry their children in hostile territory. When you are in public with them, you are standing with, and defending, the objects of cultural dislike. You are publicly testifying that you value what God values, and that you refuse to value what the world values. You stand with the defenseless and in front of the needy. You represent everything that our culture hates, because you represent laying down your life for another—and laying down your life for another represents the gospel.

Um. Wow. A calling. A duty. A responsibility. Defending our children. Taking a stand for them. Telling culture that they're more than a collection of something that's "cuter than stamps" (that totally made me laugh out loud).
It's funny. I don't think I struggle with the idea that motherhood is of utmost importance, but I do struggle with making it the utmost of importance in my life. But, ultimately, I do choose them. It's a daily choice. Some days harder than others to remember. I choose to lay down my pursuits for raising them. For the God-given opportunity of being a mom. Motherhood.

So here I sit back at my blog and wonder how it will all play out when school starts back up. Perhaps I will have more quiet time to sort out my thoughts onto the blog. I hope so. I have missed it.