qualified

To every woman that's ever carried a baby in her womb for any length of time, I say to you "Happy Mother's Day." In case no one has ever told you, you count. Your child made you a mother. Don't ever let anyone make you think that just because your child is not still alive today that you are less of a qualified mother. My heart breaks for you and I cry with you.

I shed several tears today. I had no idea that Nathan's loss would hit me so hard today. In church, they asked who the newest mom in the service was, who had had a baby this past year. None of the other new moms were around but I didn't feel bold enough to stand. I didn't know if I "qualified." The pastor joked that all the new moms were at home with their infants trying to get extra sleep during this early service. After he said that then I really didn't feel like I should stand. So silent tears coursed down my cheeks and the present went to a mom with an 18 mo. old. The next question was who had the most children and he asked all those with at least two kids to stand to start it off. Ugh. I was again so torn and so hurt. I did not stand, but stayed in my seat. Add in these pregnancy hormones coursing through my body and I cried pretty much the entire service. A few friends noticed my struggling during service and came up to give hugs afterwards. They apologized that they didn't even think or realize my struggle but loved on me and assured me that Nathan's short life counted.
Now I just feel numb and empty. And tired.
My hubby made me a wonderful filet minon for lunch. He pulled out the china :) And the best part is, he cleaned up afterwards! I'm not sure what's up for the rest of the afternoon. The weather is beautiful. No church tonight, so the sky's the limit :) We'll see. Time for hubby and I to call our mommas and tell them how we appreciate their giving life to us.