Happy 101 Sweet Friends award

Thank you, Elizabeth at Our Journey Through Life, for the award.

I'll continue the fun and post 10 things that make me happy below:
1. My newborn son's smiles.
2. My six year old daughter's creativity.
3. My husband's hugs.
4. A decluttered home.
5. Taking pictures.
6. Sharing those pictures.
7. Chatting with my best friend, who lives way too far away.
8. The mountains.
9. Finding a great deal on a new purse and "splurging" on it.
10. Paying off debt (which doesn't happen when I do #9, lol).

Wordless Wednesday - snow

It snowed last week, so we had a (leftover snow) white Christmas!
It was very fun, especially for living in an area that doesn't see much snow.

my boys

My son in heaven
`opened his eyes for the first time and saw only the glory of heaven
`had the most perfect little body, void only of breath to give him life
`will never feel the touch of his hand in mine
`will forever be missed

My son on earth
`is an undeserved gift
`has been a soothing balm on a hurting heart
`loves to snuggle and be held
`has brought out a nurturing side in my daughter
`has caused times of excitement, enjoyment, and exhaustion

Both of my boys...
`were created and fashioned by God specifically for our family
`have impacted my life with their short time in my life
`favor each other in looks
`have made me the mother of a boy
`have caused me to reflect on life in a new way
`have taught me to rely upon the Lord, completely

avoidance

One of the blogs that I am subscribed to is 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter. Surfing through (youth) girls' ministry sites lead me to an article posted here several months ago. I encourage you to check it out if you minister to or have girls of your own.
A post last month has been rolling around in my head and I cut out the section that caused me to stop and think. The post is titled Learning to Suffer Well by Jamie Lamb.

She says, "I've been reading Thomas Merton's, "The Seven Storey Mountain" (a great read) and when I hit the following sentence I had to stop for a while and think...actually I've done that a lot with this book but this is one of those times when someone else puts into words what you've been rolling around in your head for a long time. Here's what he said: “The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt.” (boldness added by Mrs. H).
The article's main topic is about our sense of entitlement and our desire to avoid suffering.

It got me thinking about my loss and how if I'd been afraid of suffering again, we never would have tried to have another child. Never trying again would mean that I would have never had Zane.
We limit ourselves thereby limiting what we will let God do in our lives when we let fear of suffering overtake us.
Sure, the nine months of pregnancy wasn't always easy. Many days I wondered why I was even pregnant again. Why we were opening ourselves up to the possibility of another loss? Fear got in the way many days. I had to ask God to take away that fear of loss. Fear of suffering can be paralyzing. It can keep us from achieving what God has for us... the fullness of joy after the heartache of sorrow.

son... #2

Christmas. With my two kids. But not my third. In the silence of this Sunday afternoon after Christmas my thoughts swirl around trying to figure out the best way compose this blog post.

I've had many confusing, conflicting thoughts since giving birth to my newest son. For many of his first few days, I wanted to call Zane Nathan. I've spoken of Nathan for eighteen months now (& pregnant with him for nine months prior to that, discussing the name we would use for our new child). It was as if the son I just gave birth to should have been him. I didn't have a son in my home for which that name was being used, but yet I used that name to speak of a son. My brain had to catch on to things which my heart had already been processing. I don't think it helped things that my new son looks like my first son. When his eyes were closed in sleep, I could look down and picture the face I saw in my short time with Nathan. I never saw Nathan full of life, but I picture that he would have been much like the little one I now hold in my arms. While I was pregnant, I questioned why God was giving us another son after losing our first. I've told him that it would be hard to follow-up the loss of a son with another son... that having a boy next would make me think of all that we missed out on with Nathan... that having a boy would make me unconsciously "replace" Nathan with this new one. I'd be lying if I didn't confess that these things have happened. It does make it harder to think of Nathan while seeing a perfectly healthy, alive newborn boy in my home. But, I have been tempted to "forget" my first son's existence because I now have one in my arms. Honestly, it'd be easier to forget. It'd be easier to not think about the shocking prognosis and stillborn birth that happened one ordinary Memorial Day weekend, while preparing for a church staff picnic.

So I don't know what all that means. I guess it just means that I'm still walking down this journey called grief. But, God has give us little Zane, who has added a new dimension to my life. He fills my days with exhausting joy. :)

the time between

I think I have bloggers block. Ok, well maybe actually it's just sleep deprivation. And loss of time. In newbornville, it seems that all I do is feed my child, feed my child, & feed my child. He's gained exactly 2 full pounds (from birth weight) in five weeks... he's up to 10lbs, 8ozs. Not bad, I guess... all that feeding is going somewhere. That should make me feel better, hm? My time is at least being productive. :)
Well, some of my time is being productive. I think it's quite interesting to hear what a new mom picks to complete during the 2 hour block of time between feedings. Zane eats every three hours, but by the time you take out the actual 30+ mins it takes to nurse/change/burp/etc, it amounts to about 2-2.5 free time between feedings. For me, I have no set routine yet... some "between feeding free times" it is an actual household chore that gets completed, some days it is a nap (although I'm not a napping kind of girl), and other days it is a shower or something else for just me. Most days I don't even remember how I spent those times. Other days I can't believe that I didn't get more done during those times! :)

a baby secret, a poem

I'm working on a post regarding my thoughts these days, about both of my boys... but I read this from Charity at Considering it All Joy and found it comforting... so I'm passing it on to you, especially if you have a sweet little baby who won't be celebrating Christmas on earth this year.

A Baby Secret

I'm just a little feller

Who didn't quite make it there;

I went straight to be with Jesus

But I'm waiting for you here.

Don't you fret about me Mommy,

I'm of all God's lambs most blest;

I'd have loved to stay there with you,

But the Shepherd knows what's best.

Many dwelling here where I live,

Waiting years to enter in

Struggled through a world of sorrow

And their lives were marred with sin.

So, sweet Mommy, don't you sorrow,

Wipe those tears and chase the gloom.

I went straight to Jesus' bosom

From my lovely Mother's womb.

Thank you for the life you gave me,

It was brief but don't complain.

I have all of Heaven's glory,

Suffered none of earthling's pain.

--J. C. Bramfield

Wordless Wednesday - tummy time

During his tummy time Monday, he flipped from tummy to back for the first time.
Good job, my little 3.5 week old!

Tackle It Tuesday - Jesse tree

To do: set up the Jesse tree (already 10 days late, yikes!)


Progress: done! Now to start with the nightly devos and get caught up. :)

Wordless Wednesday - missing dinosaur

just for grins :)

hello. my name is Mrs. H...

...and I am a babywearing mom.

I really enjoy the ease of "wearing" Zane while I am out and about. This whole H1N1 thing has me nervous about all the possible exposure while we're out shopping or even just attending church. Enter the idea of babywearing. I first was given the sling (second pic) by a close friend of mine. She has used her sling with her last two children and has sung praises about it. So when she offered to have her sister make one for me as a baby gift, I jumped at the chance. We went fabric shopping and a few weeks later, just in time for baby's birth, she mailed me my new sling. It's very fast and easy to slip on, insert Zane, and tighten. My only complaint is that it hurts my (semi-bad) back after wearing it too long. It feels better if I have the availability to hold one hand underneath for a bit of extra support.
The second is called a Moby Wrap. This I purchased after Zane arrived from Heather at Mom4Life. I have another friend who really enjoys hers and even her hubby has been telling my husband that we needed to try one. A product for my husband to use to carry Zane? Sounds like a must-have. This is one gigantic-long piece of fabric. But, after practicing a few times, it's a piece of cake. Zane slips right in and is more secure in this wrap. I feel more hands-free with this one. However, it's a bit bulkier and takes longer to put on. If I go out using this one, I wrap it around me before leaving home, put on my coat, then it's all ready to use with the baby when I get to my destination. The sling, obviously, can just be put on when arriving at my destination.
So, I like both for different reasons. If I am working around the house, I prefer the wrap. If I'm running out and need to get in and out of a store quickly, I like the sling. Sunday night I used the sling at church, but tonight I'm going to try the wrap. The wrap is obviously not as "cute."
Both are great and I enjoy wearing Zane!