Tackle It Tuesday - dinner

To do: Prepare dinner ahead of time!
Accomplished? Yes!

Easy Stromboli

Frozen Bread Loaves (3 per bag)
I haven't found these anywhere but at Harris Teeter. They're not at our Walmart or Food Lion.
Spaghetti Sauce
Meats you like (Ham, Salami, Pepperoni, etc.)
Cheese you like (Provolone, Swiss, Mozzarella)

1. Thaw the loaves
2. Roll out the thawed loaves into rectangles
3. Spread spaghetti sauce down the middle
4. Place meats then cheese on top of sauce. Feel free to sprinkle with Oregano or Italian seasonings.
5. Fold up and secure with wooden toothpicks
6. Brush the top with egg whites
7. Bake at 350 until golden brown

view of God

"The problem is that many folks try to grasp some sense of who I (God) am by taking the best version of themselves, projecting that to the nth degree, factoring in all the goodness they can perceive, which often isn't much, and then call that God. And while it may seem like a noble effort, the truth is that it falls pitifully short of who I really am. I'm not merely the best version of you that you can think of. I am far more than that, above and beyond all that you can ask or think." p 98 The Shack

Pretty powerful fiction literary message there. It's what we do though, isn't it? I mean, it's what is natural to do - God must be a version of the best human, only with more power, and a ghost like cloud presence over everything. Pretty sad that that's all we can come up with.
Truth is we can't even begin to fathom who God is. We have scripture to help us understand, though. Here is a few of what I picked out. These are some of His attributes that I'm holding onto this morning...

God is -
a Deliverer
Exodus 6:7 "...then you will know that I am the Lord your God, who brought you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians."

Infinite
Exodus 3:14 "...I am who I am..."

Holy
Leviticus 11:45 "...be holy, because I am holy."

Trustworthy
Numbers 23:19 "God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?"

a Protector
Psalms 91:4 "He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart."

Do you have any to add? Who is God to you today? Which part of His amazing character qualities are you holding on to today?

fearful

My sweet girl had such a hard time falling asleep last night. After praying, tucking her in and kissing her goodnight, she cried out for "mommy." (Boy, doesn't that just pierce your heart - having a little one cry out for you hits directly to that nurturing mommy heart that God designs). I went in to her and curled up next to her. What followed was a tearful discussion of heaven. For some reason she had fears that were hitting her at that moment. She went from "Can I bring my stuffed animal to heaven with me?"... "Are there toys in heaven?"... "What happens to all our stuff here when we go to heaven?"... "I don't ever want to get married. I don't ever want to live apart from you and daddy."... "I want to live with you forever, even when I'm big like you."... "I love you more than the whole wide world, mommy."
She was so keyed up about it all. Honestly, it caused my spirit to become afraid. Did she have some sort of sense she was going to die soon? Why all these questions out of the blue? I didn't know what to do but pray. So I prayed over her, pulling her close beside me. I answered her questions, simplistically, trying to put her fears at ease. I told her she would always have a home with us. That I loved her so very much. She eventually drifted off in my arms. (And is fine this morning... after climbing in our bed for about a half an hour before breakfast). :)
I'm not quite sure what to make of it all. She's been hugging us at random times lately, telling us she loves us. We always reassure her of our love and squeeze her right back. Maybe she needs some more one-on-one time. It's spring break this week for her. On Wednesday, we're traveling to see my parents so that'll be good for some grandma/grandpa-love. I'm thinking I need to take off Mon and Tue and not take on any of my at-home work for the entire week. Maybe some mommy-love time would be a good thing to focus on for the beginning of the week. A little extra TLC.
Lord, for your wisdom I now pray. Help Lynn to feel loved and protected, first by You, but also more tangibly by us. Amen.

Red Envelope Day

Hey - yall heard about this idea yet? Red Envelope Day. I recently viewed it at Complete and Utter Nonsense but recall seeing it awhile back somewhere else as well. However, there is a specific date attached to it: March 31st. That's next week!
Here's the rundown...

Get a RED envelope. I've heard that you can buy them at Kinkos or party supply stores.

On the front, address it to:

President Barack Obama

The White House

1600 Pennsylvania Ave. NW

Washington, DC 20500

On the back, write the following message:

"This envelope represents one child who died because of an abortion. It is empty because the life that was taken is now unable to be a part of our world. Responsibility begins with conception."

I might even just get my daughter to color a white envelope red. Seeing a child's scrawl would further reiterate the point, possibly? However, I do imagine that a bright red envelope would make it's mark.

Pray about if this is something that you'd like to take part in. Really the only investment is an envelope and a stamp.

accomplishments and grace

I've been reviewing the Creation series from Kent Hovind. It's sooo interesting. The guy has definitely done his research and knows his stuff. Shew - good stuff!
In one of the first episodes, tackling the issues of the age of the earth, Hovind made the following statement:

"A person who contemplates what God can do
is not impressed with what man has done." (emphasis mine)

Spending the weekend away, submersed in God's beauty of the mountains around me, without internet or phone, I honestly didn't miss or "crave" the electronic distraction. That was somewhat of a surprise. I've been so hooked to my laptop since getting it in February. :) However, I'm a "introvert" by nature when it comes to refueling. I need some quiet time in life and it's at those moments that I feel most refreshed. So, this weekend, I snuggled up with a book, stared out over those great big mountains and soaked up a few hours of alone time. It's easy to get caught up in wants and desires. It's easy to think about what great accomplishment a sports figure or scientist or (past) politician has completed. But how often to we get caught up in God's amazingness? When we keep our focus on His grace... that we have accomplished nothing, created nothing, became nothing... without God's hand of grace touching upon us, we are humbled. At that moment we realize it had nothing to do with man and everything to do with the God of the universe.
I've also been listening to a sermon series by Chuck Swindoll. (If you have itunes, search the podcast section and subscribe or download "Insight for Living" to get Swindoll's messages automatically. If not, check out his website here). He is going through the book of Ephesians, entitling the series "Becoming a People of Grace." He said something in one message which went something like this: "If you earned it, it's a wage. It's due to you. Grace is not earned." It's given. In the case of God, He gives us grace, most tremendously in the case of our salvation. Absolutely nothing could ever be done to earn salvation. It's not "due" to us. It's not a wage that we earned through working for it. The opportunity is graciously given, because of His grace.
You know, also because of that grace, we should not feel we are limited in what we can do. Going back to Hovind's quote - when we think it terms of man, we will feel limited. We will compare ourselves to others. But, when we focus on what God can do, we are humbled and open to His limitless boundaries! He may have something in store for you that would would never imagine for yourself. If I knew that by losing a son I'd get the chance to share about God's amazing peace and comfort many times, I still wouldn't volunteer for the experience. I'm human. But because He has brought me through the tragedy with a filling that could only be explained as simply "God," I've been open to receive chances to share with others and even pray for others in similar circumstances. Prior to May 24, 2008, I would never have thought I'd "get through" the death of a child enough to have a heart to reach out to others. It was/is truly a God-given-grace-filled gift, this peace and moving on.
I don't want to be impressed with man. I want to seek God's accomplishments and praise Him for what is due. I want to be used to help others focus on God's achievements. May I seek to point out the "HIM" in all there is, not the "him."

at the moment

Monday night rundown...

Watching... 24. Amazed at all the junk Jack gets caught up in.
Relaxing... back in my own couch/house. Been away for a long weekend in the mountains with extended family.
Feeling connected... to the world again. Been away from internet and phone for the long weekend.
Feeling satisfied... I got a few bales of pine straw spread out over my front flower bed this evening after getting home. We had to take advantage of the gorgeous weather - it's gonna get cold and wet again. It looks good. :) Now I just need some flowers, once the weather decides to stay warm.
Wondering... if I need to be concerned about the kitchen knife (not ours) I found in the front flowerbed while spreading pine straw this evening.
Looking forward to... our tax refund due in this week (although it's being put away towards our child's Christian school tuition).
Not looking forward to... going back to work tomorrow. Lots of files to sort through, all due by Friday.
Praising God... for the work He still continues to provide, despite the warning that my job will "run out" soon.
Praying for... our government. Man, I'm just not so sure they're making the best decisions.
Hoping... I can get through to the doctor's office tomorrow (after their computers being down last week and a busy signal this afternoon, I'm wondering if I'll ever get in so I can get my cycle back on track!)
Laughing... at a Dunkin Donuts commercial containing kids being "sucked into" a tv like in a trance, thinking that's what my daughter looks like when the tv's on.
Thinking... that donuts sound good right now.
Mmmm...

PW's

If you're a pastor's wife (I know there are some of you out there reading this!), go check out what Beth Moore has posted at her site: The Living Proof Ministries blog. She just hosted a conference specifically for PW's. While I didn't get there this year, I have in the past. It was good - smaller & more intimate than her Deeper Still conferences. A week ago she asked for feedback from PW's. What sort of things do we struggle with?... the post I linked to above is some of the responses she got from that post (in video format). They touch my heart, they really do. The Lord has brought us, personally, through some really hard church situations. And what these ladies in the video have to "say" can be so true. If you're not a PW but want a glimpse of some of our (very human, just like any other ladies) struggles, then check out the site. Thanks :)

Wordless Wednesday - bday boquet

How I love snapping photographs of such willing subjects! :)

twitter interview

This is a little dizzying... I'm "listening to" (?!) a twitter interview between George Stephanopoulos and John McCain. How crazy. I tell ya, technology can be nuts. ;)

surfing while flying

How cool - check it out. I was surfing plane schedules for a possible trip to MO to see my best gal friend and saw this. Anyone flying Southwest this month? Remember your laptop!

Southwest Airlines is evaluating Wi-Fi internet access onboard four aircraft now through March. With this innovation, we are giving Customers with Wi-Fi enabled devices the freedom to be more productive and to stay entertained while they fly with full access to the Internet, including e-mail, music, shopping, and virtual private networks (VPN).

Internet access will be free during this evaluation period. We will be surveying Customers throughout the evaluation to get input on various aspects of the product and help us determine whether to equip the rest of our fleet with this cutting-edge technology. So if you are on one of our Wi-Fi planes, we'll be asking for your feedback!

how mysteriously fun!

How exciting... earlier today hubby told me to take 12 slips of paper and write down 12 different things that would be romantic to me. I just finished and am giddy over the idea of doing any one of these twelve things together. After writing them down, I was to fold them up and stick them in a mason jar. That's all I know. And, since he reads this blog, I will refrain from commenting on anything that I wrote down, but know that I am totally enthusiastic about the new surprise "game." Can't wait to see what's next...

now what

Well another week has passed with no change in response from my body. I do not think that I am "with child." Surely another week late would have brought on stronger symptoms? So add to confusion and sorrow, anger. I'm a bit annoyed at the set-back. Hm. That didn't sound too submissive to the Lord did it? I'm battling with the frustration of another month's cycle being delayed. Silly, I know. But, honestly, I guess it's easier to be frustrated than saddened yet again. It's easier to deal with frustration by pushing that feeling down then trying to push back the feeling of sorrow. Yes, I said push back. I am one of those unhealthy people that would rather ignore a feeling than deal with it. Going through the loss of Nathan, however, was one emotion I could not simply ignore. That was too big of a hit. The Lord brought me through that grief process by dealing with the emotions as they came. My husband (who does not run from problems quite like I do) definitely was instrumental in helping me release those feelings and thoughts. I had another "grief moment" this weekend... yesterday was a youth fundraiser spaghetti dinner after church... there was one point after the meal in which I was holding a friend's 5 mo. old little girl. In that moment, the other two ladies that had babies around the time of my loss or after both came over to the table as well. I couldn't help but be overcome by sadness, realizing that my Nathan should've been a part of that baby group. I should've been holding my baby boy. The only boy from church born in '08, all the rest being little girls. We should've been joking how my little man would have his pick of women in the future. All these girls surrounding him. We should've all been fighting for the high chairs, needing to feed our babies their baby food for lunch. Holding little Emily in my arms certainly helped, as I think I would've walked away had she not "made me" stay at the table. I at least had the feeling of a child in my arms. Not my child, but she filled the void at that moment for me.
So weird. As women, our bodies are so central. Whether it's a physical condition that affects our mental and spiritual well-being, or our mental battles that affect our physical, I know that I (when I'm not purposefully ignoring it) try to be tuned in to all of the above, too much. I think I am battling both. I look for physical symptoms of pregnancy and after finding some, get my hopes up. But, sometimes just the over-thinking of pregnancy, future, past, etc. affects my physical. It makes me neausous or just plain worn out.
However, when I have my priorities the way they should be, the Lord comes first and He makes everything settle into where it should be. He takes my mind off of my body (that sounds funny :) and puts my thoughts on Him. It's in those moments, that my physical, spiritual, and mental are all where they belong.
The week will continue. The calendar is full, so I have no doubt of time marching on. I'll eventually call the doctor again and maybe we can move my (physical) body along. As to everything else, I've got to leave that up to Him. He helped me through my grief spot this weekend and He'll continue to lead me onward now as well.

together

"All the pride we defend
Teaches us to pretend
Like we can make it on our own
But we were never made to walk alone"
(from Krystal Myers' song Together)

The point of the song is that we are supposed to help each other through this walk called life, encouraging and praying for one another. Sadly, "building up walls instead of bridges" (additional lyrics, not quoted above) is what we tend to do. I just taught my small group girls last weekend about David and Jonathan and their friendship & love - which was "closer than that of a woman" (2 Samuel 1:26)! Many women do not have a relationship like that, yet we crave it. Women need to talk. We need someone to relate to us, to validate our feelings and thoughts. But yet our pride stops us from sharing or showing a weakness or need. We're supposed to have it all together. Some of our roles: "A busy mom on the go." "A supportive wife with dinner on the table." "A willing, reliable volunteer at church." "A successful, working business woman." Juggling all these hats and greeting others with a smile as if it all balances wonderfully together? Nah, c'mon, let's give it up. Let's be brave enough to let others into our messy life. Let's take a chance, make a friend, and slowly, carefully, prayerfully share. Close friendships truly are a gift from God. If God has blessed you with a "Jonathan" in your life, praise Him for it. If you do not share a close friendship with another right now, pray for one. Ask God to reveal to you who you might be able to confide in.

evades us again

In case you were wondering... the squirrel/animal is still hiding, despite me hearing him this morning. No traps sprung. The critter guy will be out again Monday. Sigh......

Apple's new shuffle

Have you seen Apple's latest release? What a greatly designed new shuffle! I have a pink 2nd generation clip-on shuffle. But, this new one they've just announced combines several great things - it still clips (which was the BEST idea), plus it has voice-over to introduce the songs. How great! So many times I'm like, "Who sings this?" while listening to my shuffle. I know, I know, you might be saying "that's the point of the shuffle, to "mix" things up a little." However, while I like the idea of randomizing my music, I would like the opportunity to know which artist is playing. I typically load many of our new cds onto my shuffle and well, it's not the greatest b/c I never know who is who. :) Now they come standard with 4gigs. Wow! Mine has 1, which is plenty for me, however with the voice-over feature, I'd load up my shuffle and not worry about removing and reloading as often. Very cool. The one feature I'm not so sure about is the controls on the headphone cord. The way we go through headphones/earbuds in my house, we'd have to stock up on a few to have as spares. I believe Apple is trying to keep people purchasing their earbuds through them - not cool. That's just going overboard, in my opinion. They already have the market on mp3 players (as well deserved), but they don't need to control the earbud industry! All in all, this looks like a great new product. My hubby is drooling over them. (He has the 1st gen. shuffle). I told him he could go for it, if I could have a new Vera bag. Hey, gotta be fair, right? ;)

mine
------> new one!

critter!

Well, if you've been reading my Twitter updates, you'll have seen some updates regarding a "critter" in my attic. Let me just give a huge "UGH" right now. We think it's a squirrel and thought we had it taken care of.
Wait, let me back up and start from the beginning...
Monday I'm in the bathroom flat-ironing my hair when I hear scratching above my head. It sounded as if something wanted to dig to China through my bathroom ceiling the racket they were making. I jokingly called my hubby and asked if he had invited some party guests over and hid them in the attic (as Monday was my birthday). He said no.... (as in "what in the world are you talking about?!"). So, thus began the drama...
We waited until the following morning, after hearing more scratching (hubby heard it that time too) and called the Critter Control people, who were very prompt and scheduled an appointment for later that day. The kind man went up my attic, saw evidence of a squirrel's path up and out of my attic via the stove top's exhaust fan's venting/hole. (But did not see the squirrel itself). Great. The little booger had shimmied under the rain cap over the venting hole, chewed through the screen that was over the vent and then pushed the vent down so that he could fit through down into my attic. Almost $300 later, we have now paid for the man's trip out here, plus supplies and install of 2 stainless steel metal boxes (simply put they look like wire in-baskets) installed upside down on top of my roof - over both the stove's fan vent and then vent for my bathroom fans.
Fast forward and it's now Wednesday. That afternoon I heard more scratching. Oh no - we had trapped whatever critter we had inside the house instead of keeping him on the outside. We made an appointment for the critter man to come back (free of charge/under their warranty) the next morning.
It's now today. I heard more movement this morning. Whoever it is is still here. Not so insistent in scratching, but more like moving around. (Maybe he's rearranging everything I have stored in my attic for me. How sweet. Not!) The man comes back, goes up in my attic, armed with several traps. Still no sight of the critter. So, right now we're just hoping it goes for the bait. The man left a large trap up there as well as some small ones ("in case we have a very over active mouse up there or something." Which just makes me shiver involuntarily. Ick.)
I'll let you know what we catch (knowing that I can't wait to pay that charge!)
So, all this wonderful drama. At least it's not drama with my kiddo or the youth at church! :)

US currency: a poll

MSNBC's holding a poll: "Should the motto 'In God we Trust' be removed from US currency?" Vote should you feel compelled to let your voice be heard. :)

Wordless Wednesday - mtn. tunnel

Can't go over it, can't go around it...




Better go through it!




Driving back home from NYMC in OH, through WV (I-77).

blank?!

Struggling with many different emotions this morning... I went in to the doctor yesterday for a pregnancy test and the urine test came up negative, so they gave me two options - one to wait it out another week or two for another ptest or go for the blood test. Well, the blood test was the "no brainer" option as I really just would like to know what's up. Just got the call this morning that the blood test was negative as well.
I feel... relieved... sad... worried... confused. Honestly, I'd just like to know what's up with my body. The nurse said that I could still be pregnant and just too early to get readings on a test (even a blood test?) or that my body could just had a "blank" release (for lack of a better word). I understand what she's saying, but on the other hand, I'm having a hard time believing the second option. I am a really regular gal in my cycle. She said my symptoms of tiredness and irritability could just be because normally I am in my period right now and even in the "blank" scenario our bodies will have these normal monthly side effects. I'm not really struggling with nauseousness, but then I don't usually get sick with my babies. Anyways... the next step is to wait another week or two then if I haven't started, go back in for another ptest and if it's negative, then take a pill to force a period. So, anyways, I guess I have no choice in the next step - I mean, I can't deny what my body is testing. I guess I'm not pregnant - maybe I'm just wishful thinking - I just want resolution to the problem and to get back to "normal." I'm just really tired and emotionally "volatile" right now :) I've also been staying away from the gym because I'm not sure what's going on. I guess I just need to get back in to that routine, just maybe not lifting til I get this resolved though. No excuse for staying away from the treadmill though ;)
Today's my first morning home alone since going to the conference a week ago. Last week when we got home, my father in law came in to town and he and hubby worked on one of our cars. So, I'm trying to soak up this silence and turn my thoughts up to the Lord. I have put in a cd - Tim Timmons. He led worship at the conference. I think he and his band lead music for the youth program at Saddleback Church in CA. If you're in CA, check out the link and take the opportunity to worship with Tim leading the music.
"You are good. You're love endures." "Humble me for You." "For You, my life to You I bring." "No one else can do the things You do. All the strength's in You." "Lord help me believe bigger than me." "Help me sing Your powerful melody that covers my pride with humility." "I will trust You alone." Let these roll around in my head and maybe my focus will get where it needs to be. I desire to trust solely in Him - it's just these human, bodily desires for more than what I have right now and wanting answers now. He is God alone. I need to get off the throne seat. It's His and His alone.

my next 30

"In my next thirty years..." goes the Tim McGraw song that was popular in '07. Now being officially thirty makes me contemplate how I would finish the above sentence. Here goes...
In my next thirty years... I'll aim to...
... forgive more, hold grudges less.
... take extra moments for hugs, kisses, and cuddles from the ones I love.
... pray for my family more.
... eat more vegetables. (well... nah, probably not) :)
... continue exercising, simply for the motivation of being fit.
... encourage more, criticize less.
... play outside with my daughter more often.
... take life a day at a time, not wishing it away.

my birthday pie

Here's the recipe for the absolutely delicious pie my hubby's making today for my birthday!

Ribbon Pie
ingredients:
1 (8oz) pkg. semi-sweet chocolate chips
1/3 c. water
1 (8oz) pkg. cream cheese softened
1/4 c. sugar
1 (12oz) tub cool whip, thawed
1 (6oz) Ready Crust graham cracker or oreo pie crust
filling: (your choice) 1 c. finely chopped cookies, candy, nuts, mini marshmallows, chocolate pieces, peanut butter cups *I use the oreo pie crust with mini chocolate chips, mini m&m's, and oreos as filling

directions:
1. Stir chocolate with water over low heat until melted, then cool
2. Beat cream cheese and sugar until smooth, add chocolate. Fold in cool whip
3. Spoon half the mixture into crust. Sprinkle with fillings (reserving a small amount), pressing down gently. Spread remaining chocolate mixture carefully over filling. Sprinkle with remaining reserved filling pieces. Chill 3 hours.

Saturday rundown

Feeling... a little sunburned from my time in the (glorious!) sunshine today. I sat outside for about an hour reading. 70something degrees today - gorgeous!
Thinking... about the options of tv consoles that we shopped around for today. We didn't find one that we had to have, but at least know what's out there and the prices. (Of course the prices are above what we've set aside to spend).
Wondering... what we'll do with the trunk & bed tray that our tv is currently rigged up on when we do finally buy a new stand.
Finding... it humorous that me, my hubby, and father in law are all "watching" tv as we type on our laptops.
Amazed... at the fourteen year old boy that is debating politics on Huckabee.
Trying to remember... to set the clocks forward tonight!
Hoping... I can get a quick OB appointment this week. I'm still not sure what's up! Negative p-test, but no cycle. Hm...?
Waiting... for Monday, my 30th birthday! Hubby will be making dinner and dessert - yum! I'll have to post the "Ribbon Pie" recipe on Monday - it is delicious!

visitors, guests, & hits

Sweet! We hit a thousand since my blog's "resurrection" last summer.
Thanks for reading y'all. I'm excited to see what the year ahead holds for each of us. :)

twit, twitter

Ok, yall. After what folks have been saying, I've signed up for Twitter. It's so funny - we are such a reality-show, sound-bite living society today. Twitter feeds that, hm? It does intrigue me to be able to sign onto one site and be able to update a variety of sites. So, we'll see. :)

marriage

Out of the mouths of babes... well, actually out of the mouth of an 18 year old character in a widely popular teen literary series, the Twilight series...
The main character, Bella, in speaking of marriage, says "How did people do this - swallow all their fears and trust someone else so implicitly with every imperfection and fear they had - with less than the absolute commitment Edward (her "intended" aka the vampire) had given me?"
Rather than delve into a review of the series (I'll just direct you here to this site), I want to move into the thoughts on marriage...

On My Charming Kids, MckMama says, "I believe that marriage is the permanent union of two imperfect people, sinners who will time and again let each other down and fail to meet each others needs and desires completely. Don't get me wrong! Marriage can be filled with moments of joy and unbelievable love and a feeling of warm commitment as two people journey together in life, side by side. But many are the times when marriage doesn't feel good. When choosing to love the one you're with takes a lot of determination because you simply don't feel in love any more, or because your spouse is acting unlovingly towards you."

From It's Wonderful Life, RN & OSHP expands on the idea and says, "God's idea of marriage is so different than what the world has turned it into! When we marry someone we make a covenant with God and our spouse that we are choosing that person for LIFE.... Can we just soak a magnificent truth in awhile? The truth that we have a God who is so in love with us that He gave us a relationship (marriage) on earth to show just how faithful He is. Marriage is hard! Can I get an AMEN?! Guess what must be harder? Creating people in your own image and having them leave you for someone or something else. Having them completely rebel against you. Not only do they rebel, but they do horrible things to each other and all that you have created."

Wow, good words ladies. With this attitude, I'm er, well, not really being the best wife at the moment. Blessedly, my husband's sticking through it :)
No, but seriously. Now into our eighth year, it seems like we struggled through all the normal first year squabbles, moved into hard times brought on by stressful work situations, bringing us to this year's loss of our son. An amazing praise is that our struggles have brought us closer together. We've learned how to communicate about thoughts and feelings that we've never previously experienced together before. I know that we've got plenty of struggles ahead and while it may not be easy each step of the way, I do find it amazing... the gift of marriage given to us by our Father... the gift of experiencing life side by side to my hubby. My husband's my closest friend and I thank God each day for him.

Shout out about love & marriage on your blog and share your link back in the comments.

att i tude

Home... and... silent. Not really sure what's up but I have an attitude that I am having a really hard time getting rid of. I'm either pregnant or just really badly pms'ing. (I got this way with Nathan's pregnancy.) I just cannot control myself, so I find myself flying off, praying to God for help and asking for forgiveness to the "injured" parties (hubby and daughter). Making myself wait one more day to be officially a week late...

NYMC 2

Still at NYMC...
I feel like the Lord is laying hurting kids on my heart, so I took the Helping Hurting Kids track this weekend. The enormity of it now weighs even heavier. The stories shared take me back to the days that I thought I wanted to work in the field of counseling. Maybe that's why there's still a bit of that desire within me. Maybe that's why the Lord had me major in psychology in college. In our ministry now, in our church, I am not aware of the magnitude of the hurts which must lie below in our students. We have had a few recent situations come to the surface, which beckoned me to help. Help, however, I also feel useless during some of those times.
It's an odd pull - I want to gather the girls in these hurting situations in my arms, throttle the parents (in most cases, where the hurt stemmed from - parental decisions: i.e. divorce) but also don't want to get "too pulled in" lest it disturb my own sense of balance in my life (just being honest here).
So here I sit now trying to make sense of all that I have been learning and also feeling throughout this conference. Where does He want me? Are there hurts that need ministering to within our group? How do I step in if I'm not aware of them?
I also feel a bit unqualified or un... unprepared.... my past is so blessedly clear of pain and hurt. While I did not grow up in an evangelical Christian home, my parents did encourage me to read the Bible and I learned the "basic" Bible stories and lessons. I was a "good girl" (until college when I realized it would take more than that to have eternal life in Heaven). How can I relate or how could I share my story in order for them to feel that I would even have a clue of what they might be feeling and experiencing? I know the Lord wouldn't lay a desire upon my life without Him guiding me and supplying me with all I need.
Praying for clarity as we head back home this afternoon.

NYMC 1

Tired. But invigorated! This conference is so wonderful. It's so amazing to meet a bunch of other ladies (well, families, including their youth pastor hubbies) involved in the same ministry/lifestyle as I am. If you are a member of a church, I encourage you to go to your staff members and tell them how much you appreciate them. Pastors (and their wives) need to hear it. This weekend, in one of the "learning tracks" I attended asked the question, "What is one thing you wish you knew before going into ministry?" My reply - "realizing that it wouldn't be just my husband's job, but our life." Being in the ministry does not mean that my husband can leave his work, come home and night and not think about work until he goes in the next morning. Aside from being sort of "on call" around the clock, he can't turn off his brain. The students are our students. We fight their fights, we hurt with their hurts. But it also means that we have the incredible privilege to see first hand how God moves in the lives of students. We get to be the encouragers, the shepherds, to help cultivate the desire to be used by God and then see the fruit of that desire. It's a lifestyle, if you will, but one that I don't take lightly and do praise God for (most of the time) ;)